 How to Get the Love You WantJan Lundy, Editor
As human beings, we naturally long for love, especially romantic love ... passionate love ... "I would die for you" kind of love. The media bombards us with images of love of this kind and we invest much of time and emotional energy seeking it out. We might also call this kind of love "unconditional love." Needless to say, we may find ourselves disappointed and disillusioned when our relationships don't glow with the romance and passion depicted in books and movies.
I have a theory about this. Just my two cents worth but here goes. There is a way to ensure that you experience unconditional love in your life:
Let go of any pictures you might have of what love should look like. This includes expectations of how a partner should look, think, or act. When we hold onto expectations, we are setting ourselves up for major disappointment. Women especially seem to hang on to these pictures, often making them requirements for the perfect partner. I met a woman at a workshop a few years ago who expressed this. She was widowed, and after some time had passed, announced she was ready to explore a new relationship. "I have "The List," she exclaimed. "I know exactly what I want the new man in my life to be like.” I thought to myself, oh, the poor man! I found myself wondering if she would ever find someone with such a stringent list and, if she did, if he could ever meet her high expectations. Sounded like a relationship doomed to failure ...
When we expect so much of another, we are constantly measuring them against ideals. We subconsciously expect perfection of others. We, however, are not perfect. It seems we are allowed to make mistakes but our partners are not. Expecting perfection is destructive and certainly does not foster deep trust and caring. In relationship, we have a tendency to see what is wrong with a person instead of what is right. By focusing on their lack, their imperfections, we can undermine the relationship with our high expectations. We may delude ourselves by thinking that by holding them to high standards and "better" behavior, we are helping them to improve themselves. In many cases, the opposite is true. Without even knowing it, we may be under-mining their self-esteem, and, in time, eroding their love for us.
Can we catch ourselves when we are tempted to focus on what is "wrong" with someone? Could we focus, instead, on all that could be right about our partner? Our friend? Our child? This practice reminds me of a technique used by my childrens' elementary school years ago: they would honor a child by "catching them doing something right" and then celebrating that child publicly. Could we do something similar to this with our loved ones as well?
How wonderful if we could begin to learn how to accept each other as we are. A more mature form of love recognizes that each individual in any relationship is certainly not perfect. If truth be told, we are all flawed in some way(s) and, once we admit this, our relationship can thrive—even with all of our imperfections. By accepting each other as we are, we can build upon the comfort that can be found in being with someone who sees the good in us; who sees how we might get caught in e and, when we sees the negative in us as well, but loves us just the same. By relating this way, our self-esteem builds; we feel good about ourselves and the person we are with, and when our self-esteem is high, all kinds of wonderful things can happen. Even romance. Rekindled passion! If we can bear in mind how vital it is to treat our loved ones like we wish to be treated, we could cultivate remarkable relationships. Sounds like the Golden Rule doesn't it? If you wish to be accepted, accept others. If you wish to be nurtured, nurture others. In showing compassion, you'll receive compassion. In giving love, you'll receive love. The formula seems simple: if we want true love in our lives, be the love we wish to receive. And be it unconditionally ...Return to Home Page
"Buddha Chick Life" is changing and expanding with our March issue!
March 1 marks the relaunch of Buddha Chick Life as a new, interactive venture. "Meditate Like A Girl" will premier with inspirational articles, "live" meditation sessions, Guest Teachers, special events, and more! A powerful collaborative of women are coming together to explore the idea of feminine forms of meditation and enlightened living—all with a unique, fresh and fun female perspective. We hope you'll join us!
Congratulations
to Deb is the winner of Rapahel Cushnir's book, The One Thing Holding You Back, and to Angie who's name was drawn as the recipient of the 2013 Engagement Calendar, "Inner Reflections." Enjoy and be blessed!
 Jan Lundy is the editor of "Buddha Chick Life." She is passionate about supporting people on their life journeys. Whether it is through her service as an Interfaith Spiritual Director, as a teacher or writer, her dedication to the spiritual journey is evident. Her work with others focuses on how to live mindfully, with compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves and all beings. She is the author of four personal/spiritual growth books for women, her newest being, Your Truest Self: Embracing the Woman You Are Meant to Be (Sorin Books). She is a student of the world's spiritual traditions and a teacher of Metta. Jan calls the peace-filled shores of Lake Michigan home. You may enjoy subscribing to Jan's daily "Beads of Wisdom" or receive her free downloadable book, "Fully Awake: The 12 Essential Practices." She teaches online courses of her own creation at her website and for DailyOm.com. Visit her website, JanLundy.com and jumpstart your spiritual life with "A Year for Me."
 Madly in Love with Me by Christine Arylo
Review by Leann Harris
Enter our Book Giveaway Drawing! Leave a comment here and you'll be eligible to win a copy of Madly in Love with Me, courtesy of the publisher, New World Library.
Every once in a while, you come across a “just right” book. Not too syrupy sweet, not too harsh, but just right. Christine Arylo’s book, Madly In Love with Me, is one of those “just right” books. It has a great combination of empowered feminine motivation and sensitive, older sister wisdom that you always wished you had as a girl. Arylo created this book to act as a guide on your self- love journey. In it, she says: “What I am speaking about is not just the “you can do anything” rah-rah talk but also the message of unconditional love that no matter what you accomplished, you were enough and you were loved. Imagine if the women you looked to as role models had been stellar examples of self-care, self-compassion, self-awareness, self-expression, and self-respect because their mothers had passed to them the knowledge of self-love.” Arylo’s tone throughout this book is very clear and down to earth, yet I found it so inspiring. She’s candidly honest about what roads she’s traveled in life, and how many times she has lost her way. Finally, after having her heart broken by a fiancé who called off their wedding, she asked herself the eternal question millions of women have asked themselves throughout millennia, “How the heck did I end up here?” Arylo hears an answer: “Well, Christine, you don’t love yourself! You like yourself a lot, and you’ve got a ton of self-esteem. Yes, you believe that you can do anything you set your mind to, but you don’t love yourself, and frankly you don’t even know what that means.” With the power of a lion’s roar, she calls for all women to stop wondering “how did I get here” and start to take steps to make conscious choices in their lives. This is not a “think happy thoughts and do a happy dance” kind of feel good book. Her uplifting words come with the power of truth and loss and hard work. Her first chapter starts with a tough challenge – say “I love you” to yourself and mean it. Arylo will join you under the table of shame if you can’t do it and her wisdom guides you away from the beliefs that prevent you from truly connecting with those words. Personally, my favorite chapter is the “Self – Expression” chapter. I’ve recently set up a home on "self-expression island" and I’ve loved the new view. I really wish I had her book when I set out to live in this island because if you haven’t visited before, it can seem quite strange. Some of her activities of creativity and expression involve glue sticks and markers—who doesn’t love an excuse to play with glue sticks again? The last chapter goes over secrets to self-love with lessons such as “Clean Up Your Self Talk.” I think many people will find this section helpful, as we can always clean up what we tell ourselves. Arylo ends with multiple formats for a 40-Day Self Love promise program and provides links and materials to create 40 days of ways to practice holding yourself in love. If you’re looking for that soothing yet motivating method to fall madly and solidly in love with yourself in 2013, I highly recommend this book.
Leave a comment here and you'll be eligible to win a copy of Madly in Love with Me! Return to Home Page
 After earning her MBA from Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management and spending over twelve years marketing big brands such as Gap Inc., Visa, and Frito-Lay, Christine Arylo traded in building images for corporations for a chance to inspire women to break free from their limiting self-images. Merging her professional experience and extensive leadership and coaching training with a seven-year spiritual journey, Christine now works with women and girls as a catalyst for change. Christine’s clients include entrepreneurs, executives, and people seeking a personal path. As an author and speaker, Christine leads no-taboo, limit-busting conversations and workshops called Girltalk...taking it deeper™ in venues ranging from the Internet to major U.S. cities. In 2008, she launched the Madly in Love with ME™ line of jewelry and apparel as well as a journal for pre-teens, daring and guiding them to explore their real ME. She lives in Oakland, California, with her partner, Noah, and their Siberian husky. You can learn more about her at her website: http://www.daretoliveyou.com/
 Leann Harris is a meditation teacher, writer and spiritual seeker who has finally found home. Along her way, she has delved into many practices, but considers Buddhism her foundation for depth and breadth. She is committed to helping others recognize their own wisdom so that they may nourish a deeply rewarding and inspiring life. Leann writes at www.BrightnessInspired.com, where she gives gentle and grounded guidance on meditation, spirituality, Buddhism, and relationships, all tailored for spiritual seekers who want their own path illuminated. Her wish is for everyone to live a gratifying and open-hearted life, and to be Inspired by their own Brightness. Leann writes our book reviews and interviews notable authors.
Face within Face
Laura HegfieldHere along snow coated wooden planks, stepping with care so as not to slip off the path, harming fragile life breathing beneath this iced January blanket,
I pause with keen attention, to discover two puzzle pieces of bark, close but not touching. Their texture, a remez, a hint that they’ve fallen from a single tree, wanting simply to be seen, restored to wholeness,
or so it seems to me. I pick them up aware of the heart they form even before I stack them neatly on the frozen bog; fraternal twins separated in their shattering descent from a shared
womb. Morning growing late, bright sun exposes a silhouette bearing a countenance I recognize. Visage (hers) familiar, eyes (mine) lifting at the corners bowed into tender soft smile
kinship binds us, a deep knowing. Typically somnolent we shuffle through our lives; boots heavily caked in the slush and muck of daily living, a common human quality. Freely I admit my complicity, shielding myself from too much-ness, too often unconscious, feet becoming hands raising hammers.
We are the source of fracture, division, suffering until light reveals a stark naked reality; shivering for sparse seconds, we cannot hide. It is in these measured moments that unified presence is made manifest. You, me, we, merge; meeting love’s steady gaze, face within face.
Photo Credit: Laura HegfieldReturn to Home Page Laura is a lover of life with an artist’s soul, living on the edge of the woods in New Hampshire, USA. No longer able to work outside her home as a teacher due to Multiple Sclerosis, she stays engaged with the world, sharing her poetry, prose, essays, photography and a meditation tele-circle with podcasts on her blog, Shine the Divine: Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice. She also offers private Spiritual Direction, Creativity Coaching and Lev b'Lev SoulCollage® through her website, www.shinethedivine.com. Several of Laura's poem's will be included in a soon to be released anthology titled Beyond the Dark Room. Her work focuses on the strength and beauty found in fragility, recognizing that the words “broken” and “whole” are not in conflict. Laura emphasizes gratitude for ordinary sacred moments continuously revealed through the eyes of her heart.
 Under the Waves
Poems by Kaveri Patel
A Review and Giveaway!Leave a comment below to win a copy of Under the Waves!
Buddha Chick Life is pleased to present its very own, Kaveri Patel, columnist and wise woman as the author of a thrilling new book of poetry.
Each month since BCL began, Kaveri created something so moving and insightful for us that I nicknamed her contributions "Living Poetry." With words pulled deep from her soul, she invited us again and again to look at how we were living with the perfect blend of transparency and self-compassion. Through her own transparency, Kaveri modeled how to pay close attention to wounds so they could heal, blockages so they could be removed, and the subtlest of invitations to let go, flow, and move into greater love and self-acceptance.
In Under the Waves, Kaveri's skilled words touch the deepest part of us—in all our vulnerability and longing to feel whole, loved, accepted for who we really are; to live authentically from the core of our being.
In the Introduction she asks, "How do we dive under the waves of experience and contemplate the depth of perception, to see a new and deeper truth?" Her poetry invites us to not be afraid of stepping into this vast inner ocean—the sea of ourselves— for when we do, when we trust that timeless and sacred process, we'll discover a bedrock of truth and wisdom there that will heal us, sustain us, for the duration of our days on earth. And evermore.
Here is one such poem:
"Under the Sky"
under the sky
so many people
some are fighting
others suffering
in silence
tell me
what can I bring?
flowers, a poem?
maybe a prayer
for peace
take me up
to the sky where I see
everything
and still
choose to love.
We congratulate Kaveri for this faithful endeavor and offering of forty-seven new poems—a beautiful achievement. They most certainly will serve as lamps to illuminate our way as we seek to embrace our true nature—basic goodness, peace, love and joy.
To learn more about Kaveri and Under the Waves, as well as her previous book of poems, An Invitation, visit her website: www.wisdominwaves.com
Leave a comment below to win a copy of Under the Waves, courtesy of the author. Return to Home Page
 Kaveri Patel spent most of her life running away from one thing towards the possibility of another. Surely someone or something external would hold the key to true happiness. In 2006 she began the practice of mindfulness meditation which taught her how to sit still, how to stay with delight and distress without running away. She discovered an unconditional compassionate presence able to hold the weight of all her experiences without breaking. Kaveri lives with her wonderful family in northern California where she enjoys Family Medicine, parenting, yoga, writing, and the outdoors. When she connects with her inner voice, she is able to hear the cries of all beings to be known, loved, safe, and happy. Visit her website: www.wisdominwaves.com
 Earth's Eternal Heart
Kaveri Patel
in the end all we have is this
the ebb and flow of breath
our lives mosaics of
seaweed, shells and stones
let’s not waste time
arguing about who’s right
but meet at the edge
of our misunderstanding
in the end we can dissolve
all stories of separation
in sand and live in sync
with Earth’s eternal heart
When I think of love, I think of Earth’s eternal heart—vast, abundant, and forgiving. Though humans drill deep holes into her core and poison her veins with oil, dump garbage and non-biodegradable substances into her belly, and kill her many living cells for pleasure, she still anoints our feet with her holy waters. She leaves gifts of seashells so we can hear her breathe, so we might connect our own breath with the breath of all life. She refuses no river, no being, regardless of ethnicity, financial status, or social decorum.
Can we learn from her infinite wisdom? Can we find comfort in the ebb and flow of her waters and live in sync with Earth’s eternal heart? I’d certainly like to try. When I’m moving too fast and the outside world feels overwhelming, I pause and listen for waves breaking against shores of silence. I connect with my breath where all stories of separation have the potential to dissolve and disappear, or at least remain dormant for some time.Return to Home Page
 Kaveri has been on a quest to find answers, not through religious texts, any particular person or popular dogma,but through her own experiences. She lives with her wonderful family in northern California where she practices medicine, meditation, parenting, yoga, writing, and patience. Kaveri's column here focuses on "Living Poetry." To find out more about Kaveri and her books/poems, please visit www.wisdominwaves.com.
A Self-Love Affair with Your Opened Heart
Cindy Harpe Hively
An intention I hear and feel from my breathing, beating heart is, "I want to have more flow in my life, stop controlling so much and be open to where my heart is leading me." And that's a beautiful intention but if I actually want it to become reality and not just a bunch of words, some radical shifts are required.
Being openhearted is living with a heart full to overflowing with compassion, gentleness, tenderness, mindfulness and loving-kindness for yourself and all beings. It is a life of power from within, a life filled with purpose and service to humanity. It is a life that can be easily manifested and transformed by cultivating and nurturing your heart with a Divine love for yourself beyond loving-kindness.
It takes courage to be openhearted and truly led by what brings us to love who we truly are. Even though we say we want to "go with the flow" we continue to fill our lives up with the same old stuff. Or we do not invest in clearing out the cobwebs in our physical, spiritual and emotional space. Just as a river won't flow if it is blocked, your life won't flow if areas are blocked. Everything in your life takes up space. Your belongings, your emotions, your relationships, your thoughts. Look around you and inside of you. What is the spirit filled message you are broadcasting? Is there really room for the newness of self-love to flow in? If you want a positive attitude, clear out the habitual fear-based thoughts. If you want more confidence, let go of false beliefs about yourself and others. We cannot have a new beginning without actually changing things.
With my intention to live in love with an open heart, I truly need momentum in my life; it's essential for me to do some clearing, cleaning and wholehearted love work first. So here are some changes I have been making, working on, exercising to support myself not only being open to the flow, but making flow actually lead to self-love and openheartedness. These may resonate with you too. My wish is that they will and you won't view them as chores of the heart but as loves for the heart.
1. CLEAN UP THE JUNK CLUTTER.
Look around your physical space right now. Are there unpaid bills and unopened mail? Things you need to return? Clothes you don't wear? Stacks of stuff that keep you unorganized? Does everything have a space? You cannot pick up something new in your life unless you put down what you are holding onto. If you look around your space through the lens of self-love, you may begin to notice that your home is literally a reflection of your inner environment. I will tell you my husband had a six-foot truckload that went to the dump two weeks ago.
2. CLEAR OUT THE MIND CLUTTER.
It also stands to reason that whether you work outside in (letting go of your stuff) or inside out (making space inside your mind and heart), making space is the first step in preparing yourself to receive. Don't you think so? Another clearing out (I am still working on this one) is to complete incomplete cycles of action. This means to clear some mental real estate by finishing things that have been floating around in your mind. Check off what's been on your To-Do list forever. Have conversations you have been avoiding. Stop procrastinating because that keeps you in a stalling pattern, which of course isn't good for flow.
3. WHOLE HEARTED LOVE PRACTICE #1. (Other Beings)
Survey your relationships. Are there people in your life who you are allowing to weigh you down? It's time to cut ties, phase out of friendships that are based on where you've been rather than where you are going, get away from a toxic relationship, and put boundaries in place with people that have been crossing yours. I will tell you it is not easy to practice this one, especially if you are rooted in METTA, the practice of loving-kindness like I am. I do take comfort in knowing that my Mentor and Teacher discussed boundaries with her Teacher and Mentor and she told me, "the Buddha would have loved boundaries." It is a self-compassionate to sit in a clear, calm and wise way to make these decisions that are not easy. But they are necessary for growth of self -ove and learning to be openhearted.
3. WHOLE HEARTED LOVE PRACTICE #2. (Your Own Being)
Forgive. Perhaps the most important element of creating flow is forgiveness. I know for myself it leads to freedom, love, peace and contentment. Let go of any resentment, grudges or judgments against yourself or others. And don't forget to forgive Mother Earth too if you think She is not giving you what you want. Faith is not possible without forgiveness because anytime we are holding on to a negative judgment about anything in our life, means we do not trust the Divine Order of life. This is also when the ego takes over.
I know one of the biggest blocks that I had to overcome was facing the limiting beliefs we tell our self and buy into. The most popular are, "I'm not good enough," "There's something wrong with me," and "I'm not deserving." We all carry around some story about ourselves that IS NOT TRUE. The moment you open to the truth of who you are—which is whole, complete, perfect just the way you are—a unique transformation of the opening of the heart, and self-love happens. In this transformation, floodgates open and life truly does begin to flow.
I invite you to step into your own self-love and open your heart gently and tenderly. It is in this Divine place where you play as a co-creator of flow by cleaning up, clearing out and practicing openheartedness. These practices teach and remind me where I have been so that I can create space for where I am going.
A Meditation Practice For Self Love And Open Heartedness
Go to a quiet place where you will not be disturbed and can sit comfortably in a chair, on your mat, zafu or zabuton. Have a glass or bottle of water nearby. Begin by closing your eyes and breathing slowly and deeply, expanding your rib-cage and your belly for six breaths. Notice how this feels by focusing on the expansion and contraction of your ribs.
Relax and breathe normally.
Now bring your focus up between and behind your eyebrows. This is what is called your “mind’s eye” and will help you with visualizing the rest of the meditation. Keep your eyes closed and picture a ball of white light in the center of your body. Imagine it growing and expanding, filling your body and creating a glow to about you; it is protecting you and your space from any distractions.
Bring your hands together in prayer position in front of your heart. Focus on your breath for a few moments. On each exhale imagine yourself letting go of and exhaling all the tension and negative thoughts that you feel towards yourself and others. Let go of your fear. Let go of your anger. Let go of your negativity. Let go of your jealousy. Let go of your pain.
On each inhale imagine bringing into yourself and filling yourself with positive thoughts and feelings. Fill your mind with love. Fill your mind with kindness. Fill your mind with peace. Fill your mind with patience. Fill your mind with gentleness. Allow yourself to really feel these feelings of loving kindness.
Now, bring your awareness and attention to the center of your chest as if you are taking all of these positive feelings and emotions into your heart. Say the following blessing/prayer/mantra aloud to yourself or silently to yourself.
May I be at peace.
May I be openhearted.
May I be over flowing with self-love.
May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
May I be filled with compassion, sympathy and joy.
May I be filled with loving-kindness.
Bring your awareness back to your heart and mind's eye. Know loving-kindness here as well. When you are ready, open your eyes and drink your glass of water. Know that the water came from the earth and is nourishing the flow of your being which just bathed you in self-love.
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 Cindy calls the Roanoke Valley in Virginia her home. She is surrounded by beautiful mountains that inspire and heal her everyday. Having worked twenty five years in the retail industry, she moved up quickly and loved her career, but had to quit work due to chronic illness. She is now on a new Spiritual journey for healing the mind, body and heart and inviting others to join her along the way as an Awakened Living Mentor. Her study took place under Jan Lundy, founder of Buddha Chick Life and "Awakened Living." Awakened Living for Cindy means living in a constant awareness that you are not your thoughts, patterns, emotions, feelings, likes, dislikes, ideas, or any other concept that the mind can create about you. It is a relaxing into this life, your life, where a growing peacefulness, patience and compassion for all of life is your truest essence. It is a healing journey through Metta meditation, mindfulness practices and self compassion. Cindy heads up the "Mindful Living" department here. She also writes on her "Awakening to Life, Your Truest Essence" FaceBook Page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/AwakeningToLifeYourTruestEssenceSimple Steps Real Change, FB page http://www.simplestepsrealchange.com Psychological Health of Roanoke, VA, www.PsychHealthRoanoke.blogspot.comCindy (Harpe) Hively FB page, http://facebook.com/cindyhivelybc
The Practice of Devotion
Lisa Erickson
“In truth everything and everyone
Is a shadow of the Beloved,
And our seeking is His seeking
And our words are His words...
We search for Him here and there,
while looking right at Him.”
~Rumi
For this issue of Buddha Chick Life dedicated to ‘The Many Faces of Love’, I decided to focus on the form of spiritual practice meant to be an expression of spiritual love – devotion. Devotional practice in the form of prayer, offerings, and ritual is a beautiful aspect of every world religion, and yet, in a day and age when more and more of us define ourselves as ‘spiritual but not religious’, many people are uncomfortable with the idea of devotional practice. Spiritual devotion strikes some as too religious, too ‘old-world’, too much like their grandmother’s spirituality. To others it conjures up discomfiting thoughts of misguided guru devotion – cases where individuals devoted themselves to unethical teachers or organizations. Devotion seems messy, overly emotional, and vulnerable.
Devotion is in fact all of those things, but that’s precisely what makes it such a powerful spiritual force. Devotion is rooted in our emotions, in our passion, and in our hearts. When we relate to spirit through devotion, rather than philosophically, we are moved. We are transported. We are touched by grace. Our words, our concepts, and our theologies fall away, as none of them can begin to touch what we experience directly.
This is the experience of the mystic, and it is available to all of us. I find that often in our techno-centric, word-focused culture (Twitter and Facebook anyone?) the passion can often fall by the wayside in our spiritual journey. We have so many philosophies, teachings, books, and quotes available to us that we can become trapped by them, tricked into believing that our connection to spirit is something we can puzzle out intellectually.
Devotion is the cure, as it awakens in us a sense of mystery, humility, and - most of important of all – love. Love for our practice, for the process, for our growth, and for spirit in all of the many forms that it takes in our world. Devotion centers around our personal, private relationship with the divine, whatever name we use for this force.
In traditional devotional practice, we initially devote ourselves to a form outside of ourselves– a saint, deity, teacher, or even symbol. We choose an object of our devotional focus, and we engage in meditation, prayer, offerings, or other practices in which we seek to connect with and express appreciation for him/her/it. This may be as simple as lighting a candle before a picture of a saint or deity we admire, or it might involve prayer or meditation to or on this form.
As we allow ourselves to open to this experience, love is awakened. We feel true love and gratitude for this relationship that has evolved. It is a very personal experience. And as this love deepens, the true fruit of devotion is shown to us. The true path of devotion is one in which we merge with our beloved, and discover its essence within our own heart. As Rumi would put it, the lover becomes the beloved. The illusion of separation is dispelled, the veil is lifted. Our own hearts are shown to us through our love for another. This is the true nectar of devotional practice.
So open yourself to devotion and see what awakens in your own heart. As it happens, this month is also the Chinese New Year, which marks our entrance into the Year of the Female Water Snake – a sensuous, feminine, primordial energy, perfect for working with our emotions. Allow yourself to open to the devotional experience in a way that works for you, and see what happens. You may be surprised by what is born.
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 Simplifying Relationships
Beth Dargis
“If I could give you one thought, it would be to lift someone up. Lift a stranger up -- lift her up. I would ask you, mother and father, brother and sister, lovers, mother and daughter, father and son, lift someone. The very idea of lifting someone up will lift you, as well.” ~Maya Angelou
Talking about people when we are discussing simplicity seems rather ironic. After all people are very complicated. And we can't really "simplify" them. But, there are things that can make our interactions with others a little simpler.
Honesty
Our relationships can be one of the most complicated parts of our lives. But, we make them more complicated when we don’t say what we mean, try to read their thoughts instead of asking questions and worry more about appearances than intimacy.
Often a complicated life stems from not being yourself consistently. It can be tiring to dress to impress, to be Lil Miss Perfect, to remember which “white lie" you told. To live with integrity means to live your life outwardly the same as you are inside. It means what you show to others is who you really are. You are consistently honest.
Admit when you make a mistake. Then fix it. How many times have you stretched the truth a bit to get out of looking bad? That dishonesty drains energy, while admitting mistakes yields closer relationships and the ability to make things right.
Request
A regular occurrence in homes all over the world, a spouse is fuming because something wasn’t done that they thought should have been done and in the way they thought it should have been done. Of course, the spouse hadn’t said anything. For some reason people think love means never having to ask. The hero or heroine will automatically know without you saying a word.
In the real world, it is simpler to ask nicely for what you want and need. It’s risky in that they might say no. Yet isn’t it more risky in getting what you need to not saying anything.
Be direct with people. So much time is wasted from misunderstanding just because people are not saying exactly what is on their minds. Tell people what you want, what you need, what you are feeling. Don’t expect people to read your mind and don’t assume you know what other people are thinking. You can be honest gently, lovingly and compassionately. It’s not either you can be nice or you can be honest. You can be both.
Be Present
Be there in the moment with people. Listen to them. Connect. Don’t be thinking about your to do list. Don’t spend your time worrying about what you will say next. Enjoy who they are now.
Put people first. As Victoria Moran says, “Things with a heartbeat come first.” Your pile of papers can wait.
Don’t talk to people about how “busy” you are. One, it's a boring conversation. Two, it’s not very connecting. You don't need to compete to see who is the busiest.
Simplifying Connecting
Have a regular time to call or write. Call your parents every Sunday. There will be less phone tag, if you call people on a certain day and they are expecting it.
Once a week on desk day, write all your letters and once a week catch up on e-mails.
Have a regular monthly date with a friend. That way you don’t have to constantly try to schedule meeting with your friends.
Don’t give out your cell phone to everyone. You do not need to be available 24 hours a day.
What bad relationship habits do you want to break?
Where do you need to be honest with someone?
What changes will you make to simplify your relationships?Return to Home Page
 Beth is living the simpler life in West Michigan. She helps the overwhelmed create saner, simpler lives. She delivers... Untamed possibility. Breathe easier simplicity. Hope. On the wings of understanding and encouragement. Step by step breaking down from “no way! “ to “why not?” She loves giving hope to people that come to her thinking it can’t be done. She was not born organized and had to learn the skills. Things like overcoming perfectionism and procrastination. And knowing what is for dinner before 5pm. You can get more tips at her blog and also get the free Declutter Calendar that breaks down decluttering into small, simple steps: http://www.mysimplerlife.com/blog
 Blooming Love
Janice Lynne Lundy
“The secret of Love is creativity.
Lovingly tend your relationship like a garden.
Keep it seeded with fresh interests, fresh ideas,
that grow always more beautiful.
Weed it, lest the flower beds overrun with weeds
of unconscious habits. For love to be ever new,
it must be approached with creativity, as an art.”
~ J. Donald Walters
Come February, our thoughts naturally turn to love. Who doesn’t want more of it, especially what we might term “romantic love”? Love such as this may find us again and again throughout our lives, but does it last? Love, in the truest sense, “Big Love” with a capital “L,” takes time to grow. Long lasting Love requires commitment, careful tending and nurturing for it to bloom and become all that we wish it to be.
There are certain communication strategies—I call them “Love Links”—that we can introduce into our intimate relationship to enhance the day-to-day quality of our bond, as well as to circumvent conflict. We can deepen in intimacy, passion, and trust when our daily life together is not a roller coaster of emotions, and we’re not thrown off center managing one ego/personality crisis after another. In fact, nothing can wear out a beautiful relationship more than the continued stress of engaging in damage control.
We can stay connected to our partner by using the techniques presented here. They foster kindness, openheartedness, and loving communication. They can help us avoid the thorns of relationship and focus on the beauty instead.
Remember the Love
The two of you fell in love for a reason: to companion one another on your life journeys; to grow as individuals and to grow as a couple too. If you find yourself beginning to feel distant from one another, take time to “Remember the Love.”
Recall your first meeting, your initial attraction, the thrill you felt in the early stages of your relationship. Reflect upon the unique gifts of your relationship and the great goodness it has brought into your lives. Offer thanks for its awakening presence.
Check in with yourself also—regularly—to determine how you are treating your partner. Are you treating him like your “Beloved”? Are you nurturing, supportive, a good listener? Are you feeling generous toward him? Compassionate?
Your “ego self,” that part of you which is insecure or wounded from the past, will naturally want to focus on what’s wrong in your relationship, not what’s right. It will want to spotlight your partner’s irritating qualities and what he is lacking. It will take conscious effort on your part to rise above such thinking and remember why you have come together, to grow, to move beyond personality and what happened in the past, to experience “Big Love” again. Connect with your partner’s “true self”—his good heart, his spirit—as often as you can. Remember who you are to one another.
Show and Tell
Offer loving words and gestures to one another. As a couple you can form agreements about using loving communication. For example, sarcasm is not a compassionate way to express one’s self to your loved one. You can agree to speak to one another without that element present. You can also agree not to verbally attack, insult, or mock one another.
It is perfectly acceptable to discuss these things as your relationship begins and set the intention to speak lovingly. The way you talk to one another truly is a matter of choice. Egos attack, “Love” doesn’t. Egos yell and scream; Love doesn’t. Set the intention to follow the higher road and choose the loving response again and again.
Check-In with Each Other
Agree to take time daily to check-in with each other and see how each of are feeling. First thing in the morning, at day’s end, or anytime you notice that your partner is struggling is a good time. Checking-in sends the strongest possible messages of love and support to your partner, messages of “I care about you,” “I’m here for you,” “We’re in this together.” This, perhaps more than any other communication technique, will allow you to experience greater love.
Encourage your partner to share his thoughts and feelings. Be open and receptive to what he shares. Doing so invites you to be a true partner in a very meaningful way: to listen with an open heart and to hold a kind and compassionate space for both of you to learn and grow.
This February and beyond, may your relationship bloom with your tender loving care. Return to Home Page
 Jan Lundy is the editor of "Buddha Chick Life." She is passionate about supporting people on their life journeys. Whether it is through her service as an Interfaith Spiritual Director, as a teacher or writer, her dedication to the spiritual journey is evident. Her work with others focuses on how to live mindfully, with compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves and all beings. She is the author of four personal/spiritual growth books for women, her newest being, Your Truest Self: Embracing the Woman You Are Meant to Be (Sorin Books). She is a student of the world's spiritual traditions and a teacher of Metta. Jan calls the peace-filled shores of Lake Michigan home. You may enjoy subscribing to Jan's daily "Beads of Wisdom" or receive her free downloadable book, "Fully Awake: The 12 Essential Practices." She teaches online courses of her own creation at her website and for DailyOm.com. Visit her website, JanLundy.com and jumpstart your spiritual life with "A Year for Me."
 Falling in Love with Life Sile Walsh
If you didn’t wake up this morning and fall completely in love with life, then consider this.
To explain this concept, I'll go into my own story a little ….
I get to work with people in an environment that is powerful. It’s powerful because the clients that come to me are amazing individuals. Mutually as a team we set up an environment that allows truth to surface and allows us all to be completely ourselves. When this environment is created and bonded between people it allows an exploration and investigation to take place.
Through the energy process we get to access parts of the client that have not surfaced consciously before and the results and patterns can be surprising. Through this process I have seen many clients dismantle diverse and broad issues but one thing that comes up so often regardless of the focus is the "should" and "shouldn’t" we all have and the limits they inflict .
Should and shouldn't seem to be a bigger issue in this world than heart disease or cancer. Not because heart disease or cancer aren’t difficult and upsetting illnesses, but because we are ALL taught should and shouldn't from early child hood. Although should and shouldn't have a purpose and are required for basic social interactions, we often have them interfering with us far more than they benefit us.
If life isn’t feeling amazing and you don’t feel your fulfilling your own destiny, life purpose or who you are then this concept may help with the process.
Most of the people who feel unsatisfied in one area or another in life are still limited by the should and shouldn’t they were taught along the way.
After working with clients who are living from this space and feeling limited by it, I looked at my own limitations—my should and shouldn’t and my dissatisfaction.
Once a limitation was that I SHOULD live a certain way and I SHOULD do so perfectly. WOW, this is a hard one because it doesn’t limit or control one area of my life, but is a general underlying issue with many things feeding from it. I am not perfect and with a ‘should’ like this hanging over me I made A LOT of decisions based on how they looked, how people perceived them, and how people reacted when I told them. That was not authentic to me or my vision of life. The result was complete lack of contentment and enthusiasm for life and disappointment.
If this sounds like one area of your life, don’t complain, moan and say "It’s just life." Look at what you are doing that is authentic. Look at what isn’t.
Once you see what isn’t authentic, I believe it’s important to know why you are carrying that belief. Understanding is empowerment and once we are equipped with the underlying issue that is causing the less authentic decision we're making, we can then make other more productive decisions to enhance our experience.
Each authentic decision we make actually makes us fall in love with life a little bit each time. It’s like we can feel the flow and are suddenly engaged with our life’s purpose.
Living life in an authentic way feels like nothing less than falling in love.
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 Sile began her training in India before she turned 21 and hasn't finished yet, or will she any time soon. Working with the SQ Wellness Foundation and through her holistic site www. silewalsh.com, she has helped many people find their way through their dilemmas, twists and turns. In this ever changing world Sile’s never ending quest for knowledge, is a truly inspiring outlook on life. Helping those along the way, and knowing everyone has something she can learn and grow from, this young lady has her sights set on great things. To find out more simply visit her website at www.silewalsh.com or email her Info@silewalsh.com
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