 21 Ways to Love Yourself More
(It's Not a Selfish Thing, but a Self-Aware Thing) by Janice Lynne Lundy (Photo by photostock)
I’ve banned the “S” word from my vocabulary. I hope after reading this column you will too.
“Selfish” … it’s what women are often called when they take time for themselves. And it’s the primary reason, I believe, why so many women do not take good care of themselves—or give themselves what they need to feel healthy and whole. We’re afraid of being perceived as selfish.
And why is it that when we manage to get beyond the “S” word and do beneficial things for ourselves, we automatically assume that someone else will be deprived or neglected. Women have been tremendously dis-served by this perspective—that we can take time, spend money, or indulge in self-care only if:
• we have done all our other work
• no one else needs us at the moment
• we have extra money to spend
Beneath the surface of each of these faulty notions is the belief that we, and our personal time, are not as valuable as others’. We seem to need to convince ourselves that we are worth it; that we are worth our time, money, and personal attention. This February, the month of Love, I’d like to invite you to change your thinking about this and to explore and cultivate self-love in a bold new way.
Our journey takes off when can begin to say “Yes!” to ourselves more often; give ourselves permission to receive the same loving regard we give to others. Without the “S” word cropping up. Or its evil twin, “Guilt,” paying a visit. Would you like to try? I hope so because you are worth it, and you—just as much as anyone else—deserve your own loving-kindness.
For the next 21 days, practice showing more love to yourself in these simple, yet powerful ways. It takes 3 full weeks to create any new habit and self-love is no exception. Make consistent time for yourself and you’ll be well on your way to creating a more loving relationship with YOU!
1. Say no to taking on more responsibility.
2. Take one-half day a week to do exactly what you want to do.
3. Spend at least 30 minutes each day by yourself, with no one tugging at you.
4. Be a little girl again and play!
5. Take up the hobby you’ve always wanted to or revive an old one you’ve let go.
6. Stop rushing. Do things like walking, bathing, shopping more leisurely.
7. Allow other people to clean up after themselves and make their own decisions.
8. Turn off the TV, cell phone, computer; spend time in the quiet and enjoy your own company.
9. Do something to cultivate female friendship.
10. Eat at least one outrageously healthy meal each day.
11. Get outside and let Nature nurture your spirit.
12. Sleep when you’re tired.
13. Stay away from people who demean or demoralize you.
14. Buy yourself flowers.
15. Trust your own choices.
16. Talk lovingly to yourself.
17. Quit one bad habit.
18. Give yourself permission to feel all of your feelings.
19. Take yourself on a date and go somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
20. Eat something truly decadent without guilt.
21. Become passionately self-aware of what you need in any given moment to be relaxed, happy, and healthy and give yourself that!
“Self-aware”—now that’s an “S” word I’m more than happy to embrace! And it’s a very good way to reframe any thoughts or feelings that might arise to sabotage our emerging self-love.
After 21 days, because you will have created many self-loving habits, I can just hear you giving voice to self-love whenever a well meaning other questions what you’re doing—or tries to sabotage your self-care efforts:
“Yes, I am being quite self-aware, thank you, and it feels really good.” Stay strong, persevere, be passionate about your journey into love, and, in time, others will appreciate you more. Why? Because people who love themselves more, become more loving and magnanimous toward others. And who doesn’t want to be more loved by you?
Funny, how life works. We give our true self what it needs and everybody benefits.Return to Home Page
The Spiritual Awakening of the Sacred Feminineby Cindy (Harpe) Hively
What is the Sacred Feminine? The Sacred Feminine is the energy within us and in the universe that serves life itself. The qualities of unconditional love, compassion, wisdom, beauty, gentleness, patience, accepting, forgiving, nurturing, welcoming, accessible, kind, intuitive and healing, and so much more, are carried by the Sacred Feminine.
The time has come to balance the energies within ourselves and in our belief systems by honoring the Sacred Feminine. The newness of a New Year is the perfect time to embrace your calling and live this mystic, magical Sacred journey. You may believe the religions of the world have different beliefs, ideologies, and rituals, and it is true some do. However, in looking at what most religions have in common it is the intention of love, compassion and kindness to all living things. These qualities are of the Sacred Feminine.
In our year long "Creating a Life of Contentment" course with Jan Lundy, December's theme was rich in discoveries of the Sacred Feminine. In my learning's, She (I) is a powerful essence that gives both strength and fluidity to love herself and to all human beings and to all of life. Knowing that the World's Divine Mother, and other Divine Sacred Goddesses are present, gives me strength and comfort as I face life’s challenges on my spiritual path of devotion.
Intention is an important first step toward balancing the male and female within. With intention we focus our energy and our thoughts on the shift that we are creating in our self, which results in balance. Whatever we focus on we create more of and it expands. The mind is a tool and we create through our thinking.Adding intention drives us to our goal with powerful energy. So through intention we seek aspects of ourselves that will draw to us to the opportunities that allow this to manifest within us and to grow. When we live with intention, we are able to live our true potential and our own divine nature, which is balance.
Awareness supports intention. With awareness of our own Divine nature, the door opens to seeing the Sacred Feminine and she dwells in each of us. Awareness of ourselves gives energy to developing our Sacred calling and expanding the beauty in ourselves. The rich qualities that are inherent in the Sacred Feminine as we cultivate this essence grows to fullness in our spirit when we bring our self to awareness.
Acknowledgment of the many wonderful qualities of the Sacred Feminine that we carry in us and express in our daily lives helps to ground us in the knowingness of who we are. With this awareness and acknowledgment we are more able to live our true potential. We are given this great gift and acceptance of our own being is crucial to understanding our sacredness. We are not our bodies, not our minds or our emotions. Knowing we are Spirit, assists us in Divine creating in all areas of our lives. We are Divine Creatures with a special purpose. Give into your Divine Sacredness with great compassion and experience your feminine being, Spiritual acceptance will start you on this path.
What we learn is how spirituality manifests most in how we deal with problems, especially in relationships with people; secondly, in whether we unfold the potentialities in our being and how we embrace them; and finally, an absolute, crystal-clear understanding of what lies behind the appearance of things; not being caught up in the appearance but really seeing the cause behind the cause and the purpose beyond the purpose. It can lead to an extraordinary clarity that should give a great brilliance to your whole being; your consciousness can become like a light that illuminates all things, and you yourself can become like a crystal, absolutely clear. It is a true Awakening!
Below are a list of practices or questions that may come to mind to cultivate and think upon. Mindfulness lends greatness to these experiences as we call upon as our Sacred Feminine who reveals more and more of our being.
- Being more grounded and present for whatever shows-up in life
- Having greater patience with those around you
- Feeling juicier and more connected to your passion and creativity
- Getting more focused, so you accomplish a lot with your limited time
- Restoring that twinkle in your eye and laughing more easily
- Being calm, instead of fearful, in the face of challenging situations
- Getting deeply connected with an amazing community of Soulful Women
- Having a deeper sense of intimacy with your loved ones
- Embodying the frequency of love every moment, so you can transform the world through your love and service
- Accepting your body as perfect and Divine with compassion
- Look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate the Goddess looking back at you
A poem that illustrates this by Patricia Lynn Reilly ... IMAGINE A WOMAN
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good
She is a woman. A woman who honors her
experience and tells her stories. Who refuses
To carry the sin of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.
Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s
Influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
Imagine yourself as this woman.
“Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995
www.imagineAwoman.com
 The Challenge of the Shouldsby Kari Driscoll
An active mind and time alone are not a good combination for me. Ironic, considering how much of my time I spend alone, writing from home during the day (or not) and alone in the evenings as often as not with my husband’s travel schedule.
I have known for a long time that going for stretches without social interaction does something to me. It pushes me somehow in ways that are uncomfortable. And while I know that this discomfort is a sign of something I need to examine more closely, my methods of examination push me in to a darker place from time to time.
I am very good at telling myself what I Should Be Doing. Years of being directed by my parents, a Marine Corps father and a mother who was desperate to be in control of her own destiny, to go here and do this and prioritize that taught me that inactivity was to be avoided. It also taught me that service to others and their priorities was of paramount importance. So I often find myself struggling to prioritize tasks in such a way that it becomes eminently clear which things deserve doing first, second, and on down the line. Struggling because there is no way to do that. There is no universally accepted rubric that says this book review is more important than that load of laundry or taking the dog for a walk as he whines and follows me from room to room.
I tend to give precedence to those things that serve others - laundry, cooking, shopping for household necessities, straightening up - and push off others that seem more nebulous. I have, over the years, figured out that the dog only really needs to be walked every other day (please don't tell Cesar Milan), that if I make it to yoga or the gym twice a week I am really doing well, and that I can crank out a good book review in an hour.
I know that the best thing I can do is banish "Shoulds" from my vocabulary. And I've come a long way in that regard. But I became aware today that I do it in so many other ways, I'm not sure I've really come as far as I thought. Every time I catch that inner voice berating myself for wanting to do something more than another thing that is probably more productive or helpful, I am "shoulding" myself. If I have the urge to lie down on the couch and take a cozy nap with the cat instead of folding that load of laundry or going to get Bubba's contact lens solution, the nap is vetoed even before it was fully realized as an option in my mind. If, instead of reorganizing that closet of Lola's that disgorges random items every time you open the door, I would rather sit down and read for an hour (who wouldn't?), I hear this sweet, condescending voice in my head that says, "You can read on your own time, dear. That closet isn't getting any cleaner while you sit there, and you'll feel guilty the whole time you're on the couch, so you won't focus on the story, anyway."
I have even become so sophisticated at this little game that the notion of spending an entire day rewriting a chapter of the book I'm currently working on becomes physically repugnant. Not because I don't want to write, but because I have so thoroughly convinced myself that my writing serves nobody but myself (at least until I sell something), that every word I type is a piece of laundry left unfolded or six steps fewer with the dog this afternoon. I have associated things that give me joy with guilt and feelings of laziness in an effort to convince myself to be more productive in the service of others.
The truth is, I spend more time performing mental calculations in an effort to decide how to structure my day than I do actually performing the acts themselves. It is as though I envision some stern judge and jury I will face at the end of the day as I justify the things I decided to spend time on. And for what? There is no gold star that goes on my permanent record. There is no jail time for dishes left undone. From time to time there is an extremely hyper retriever in my face if I neglected to walk him, and almost always there is remorse that I didn't write more (or at all) today.
So the question remains, what am I avoiding by continuing to deny myself the freedom to choose things that please me each and every day? What would happen if, for some portion of every day I sat down and did something that speaks to my soul? Something whose only purpose is to make me happy? As I write this and envision myself doing it, the grounded, heavy feeling in my core is enough to convince me that I've been looking at this the wrong way. The simple act of imagining that I have given myself permission to indulge my desires regardless of what anyone else may think warms me from the inside out. Calms me. Settles me.
That is not to say that the notion of implementing it doesn't frighten me a bit. It is counter to everything I was taught and every example set for me by adults in my life. But if I close the door on that chatter and sit in the space and stillness of the other imagining it feels possible. Return to Home Page
 Kari Driscoll is a mother of two daughters and wife to a busy executive who is writing her way through a spiritual journey towards greater happiness and acceptance of the beauty of life. Her blog can be found at http://www.the-writing-life.blogspot.comor through the BlogHer Publishing Network (www.blogher.com). She writes mainly nonfiction and is seeking a publisher for her first book about difficult reproductive choices while working on her second, a memoir of a summer spent in Italy and France with two toddlers that brought her to a greater understanding of how to experience joy.
 Give Yourself Gifts of Comfort
By Cheryl Wright
We spend so much of our days expending our energies on tasks that may not cater directly to our own needs. We know in our hearts that not giving to or caring for ourselves depletes us and weakens our continued attempts to keep up with our responsibilities.
I have found that when I sprinkle my days with little dollops of comfort I keep feelings of overwhelm at bay. I guess we could think of comfort as the ultimate luxury. It’s a luxury we can give ourselves each day and not only on special occasions.
Start with the following eight simple gifts of comfort in your home to give you a sense of well-being and contentment because you are important, special and deserve it.
1. The best position for your bed is where it feels most comfortable to you but still allows an easy traffic flow. Place yours at an angle or off-centre on a wall so you can enjoy a view through your window, even if you can only see is the sky.
2. Pile lots of pretty pillows on your bed for a luxurious look and ample comfort for reading there. When you are ready to sleep, store them on a chair or in a corner. If you have room, place a bench or small chair at the foot of the bed and leave your bedspread there at night.
3. Keep a small, personal basket on your bedside table. Include such items as a drinking glass, a spoon, lip balm, hand cream, nighttime medication, cologne etc. If you prefer not to have them exposed, use a covered basket or throw a small scarf over them.
4. If you don’t have room in your kitchen for a family-sized breakfast table, put a small two-chair porch set next to a window or snuggled in a corner. It could be your special space. Use it to enjoy some natural light, a view of your garden or the busy street. In fact, it makes for the perfect spot to read, write or engage in some other activity while cooking something you need to keep your eye on. Your husband and children can also use the space to keep you company while you prepare meals.
5. Make your living room your favorite place to relax. Visitors shouldn’t be the only ones who get to sit here and enjoy this room. You should too even if by yourself. Dress it up with the things you cherish. Create the kind of atmosphere that pulls you in and encourages you to linger. Group your furniture for small, cozy intimate sitting areas. Small groups make a room inviting and warm. They also encourage conversation and spontaneity.
6. Keep your dining table clear of clutter especially if it is visible from other rooms in your home. Clutter anywhere creates a sense of confusion and doesn’t order well for calm, harmonious and comfortable living. A beautiful centerpiece need not be elaborate or expensive. Pick a couple of related items from your kitchen cabinets and group them for an eye-pleasing display.
7. If you still enjoy the pleasure of writing letters by hand, keep a box of stationery, stamps and a selection of assorted postcards and paper in a basket or box, along a few pens. You could keep your journal there as well. With a well-equipped basket like this, you can choose to sit anywhere in your home to catch up on correspondence or other paperwork.
8. Adopt a slower pace when at home. After a hectic week of eating on the run, savor your weekend meals. After each meal, don’t rush off to do household chores. Linger a while, reflect on your day.
In the spirit of giving and good cheer, pamper your body, warm your heart and soothe your soul. Give yourself some simple gifts of comfort. Return to Home Page
 Cheryl is a freelance writer, whose essays, feature articles and columns have been published online and in print since 1998. Cheryl's weekly column, Wright Words of Wisdom, debuted in September 2006 in the WomanWise magazine - a Sunday pullout in the Trinidad Guardian Newspaper. You can catch up on the column here : http://www.guardian.co.tt/category/byline-authors/cheryl-wrightWebsite: Cheryl Wright - Perspectives
 In the previous issue of "Buddha Chick Life," we heard from SARK, everybody's favorite personal growth expert and artist. This issue, SARK invites us to explore some powerful areas within ourselves that may need healing, loving, compassion.
I'm confident you'll enjoy this never heard before, 27 minute interview I did with her. We began by talking about my concern for women and our lack of self-care. That even though there are thousands of books and courses on the subject—we KNOW we are supposed to take good care of ourselves, and we want to—but we aren't. Women continue to get more and more sick. The diagnoses of immune system disorders, anxiety, obesity and heart disease are on the increase. With typical SARK candidness, she shares her wise thoughts on the subject
Then we weave our way through these timely topics:
• Loving and trusting our "disorders"
• Hugging therapy
• Practicing self-love (the key is "practicing")
• Becoming a "Transformational Change Agent"You will have to paste this URL into your browser to listen.
http://www.awakenedliving.com/podcasts/SARKpt2.mp3
May you enjoy, and be GLAD—no matter what!(If you missed Part I of SARK's teaching, you can find it here.)Return to Home Page
 SARK—Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy—has become one of the today's most beloved writers and teachers. She is a best-selling author and artist, with sixteen titles in print and well over two million books sold, including the national bestsellers Succulent Wild Woman, Bodacious Book of Succulence, Eat Mangoes Naked, Prosperity Pie, and Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper. Her newest book is Glad No Matter What. To learn more about SARK, her work in the world, and her book, Glad No Matter What, visit www. planetsark.com
 We Can Be Our Own Best Friend
by Cheryl Wright, Columnist
We’ve heard it before, “Women can be their own worst enemy.” If that is true, we can be our own best friend, by cultivating the same practices that cement the best-friend alliances we have with others.
Here’s how to cultivate that friendship with ourselves.
Get comfortable with solitude.
It is in the quiet moments alone together that we nurture the bond with our best friends. In these special times, we bond around our similarities and the richness of our differences. In solitude we get to know ourselves. Keeping a journal will help to enhance those moments, as we write our way through recurring issues, regrets, obstacles, happy memories and the normal flow of daily life. As we get comfortable with solitude, we will develop an understanding and appreciation of who we are - our likes and dislikes, beliefs, values, capabilities, limitations, strengths and dreams.
Be attentive to the inner voice.
We may not always agree with what a friend says, but we trust her enough to maul over her advice and consider her warnings. Building a friendship with ourselves is an opportunity to connect with our inner voice and to listen to its words – whether they come as inspiration, warnings, affirmations or even admonitions.
Be honest.
Best friends shouldn’t lie to each other. The smallest lie registers as a breach of trust and compromises the best friend bond. We must be honest with ourselves - tell ourselves the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, regardless how difficult it might be to accept.
Be faithful.
Best friends expect and deserve faithfulness from each other, even when there is disagreement in the camp. Whatever disturbances arise, a best friend remains faithful to the bond of the friendship - standing with us through our life experiences. In the same way, we should not allow anyone to inveigle us to alter our faithfulness to what we deem to be important to us. In the face of disagreement, discouragement or rebuff, we should remain faithful to our personal and professional goals and endeavours. As our own best friend, we owe it to ourselves to be faithful to who we are, our purpose, our dreams and our passions.
Be sympathetic.
There is no room for embarrassment between best friends; they openly share their struggles, confident that their best friend will sympathize with them. As our own best friend, we should own up to our issues and be sympathetic with ourselves. Instead of beating up on ourselves for what we see as inadequacies and weaknesses, we should try to understand where they originate and when and how they manifest themselves. As our own best friend, we should dismiss the weaknesses that have no positive future and develop those with potential.
Be loving.
A best friend notices when we are pushing ourselves too hard and depleting the best of who we are. She acts quickly, taking us aside to encourage us to slow down, take it easy, rest, relax and nourish ourselves in the areas that are past their critical points. We should look at our lives and examine how our lifestyles may be weakening us, pressing us down, wearing us out. As our own best friend, we should treat ourselves gently, ease of the rush and pull the plug on multitasking. When we lavish TLC on ourselves - relax, revive, refresh and pamper ourselves – we will find it easier to live with greater balance, mindfulness and gratitude.
Friends are one of the key ingredients for a good life and best friends are gourmet spices. Let’s be our own best friend and live a wonderful life. Return to Home Page
 Cheryl is a freelance writer, whose essays, feature articles and columns have been published online and in print since 1998. Cheryl's weekly column, Wright Words of Wisdom, debuted in September 2006 in the WomanWise magazine - a Sunday pullout in the Trinidad Guardian Newspaper. You can catch up on the column here: http://www.guardian.co.tt/category/byline-authors/cheryl-wrightWebsite: Cheryl Wright - Perspectives
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