Celebrating Owning Ourselves: A Reflection with Photos
by Sheila Finkelstein
Reflection: (photo essay is below)
I felt most honored recently when Jan Lundy invited me to submit an article for “Celebrating the Feminine.” My first thought, “No. Not me. I'm far from feminine.” My internal reaction was pretty strong to this, including the inclination to refer her to other writers.
You see, to me when I think about it, “feminine” represents frilly clothes, lipstick and makeup, manicured nails, pedicures, regular beauty salon visits, special lingerie, undergarments and much more. Even the dictionary affirmed this, when I double-checked. They added “feminine” hobbies to the list - “sewing and cooking” as examples. OK. So I knew that's certainly not Jan's focus.
I, thus, stretched my thinking a little more to reflect on nurturing and mothering. Despite the fact that I do “nurture” others, often, on many, levels, I still go back to my reflective statement of many years ago. I wasn't the “milk and cookies Mom.” My husband would often pack the cereals, canned good and the “goodies” whenever they drove back to college. I finally reassured myself, during those times, that our two sons turned out great. I must have done something right.
As my thoughts continued, pondering Jan’s invitation, I started thinking of my body, equating it to the “feminine.” Of course, I do have all the “female” parts. Does that make me feminine?
Jan had also suggested, in her note to me, that I might have one or more photos for making a photo essay. Not a surprising request, since she knows me mainly from my photography and my commitment to inspiring “Seeing with New Eyes.”
I then began to reflect on the recent self-portraits I'd been taking recently for two different courses I was in. Turning color photos into black and white was the context for one of the two. Where some of the participants found the portraits challenging, I was pleased with the freedom I felt around it. I had started doing videos last year of me speaking my business or on things I loved. It was quite awkward for a long time. Then I got my iPhone. I started having fun with the camera, particularly loving the feature where you simply push an icon and the lens faces you. It's especially fun when I am talking on my hands-free, speaker phone handset.
Over time, I've noticed I've been less concerned with the “perfect” look. Ironically, as I've become relaxed about it, I've started looking better and enjoying and appreciating myself more.
What if, being “feminine” were simply being ourselves, fully allowing ourselves to be however we are and however we're not, accepting and loving ourselves completely? Then by writing this article, sharing my whole thought and artistic process here, I AM Celebrating the Feminine me. I invite you to do the same for you! Thank you, Jan, for seeding this breakthrough for me.
Photo "Essay"
View Sheila's photo montage, featuring self-portraits that invite self-exploration and embracing of the Feminine.
Sheila, www.sheilafinkelstein.com, is a photographer, an author, and a relationship coach who works with individuals and groups, teaching them how to use photography as a tool for creating new ways of seeing their world.
As caregiver to her husband, Sam, of 47 years, who was afflicted with Parkinson's Disease for over 12 of those years, Sheila found the camera to be a tremendous aid in restoring her own emotional balance. No matter what, each day ended with "I love you."
Sheila now passionately helps her clients find - and experience - wonder and magic in their relationships. The individuals with whom she works, together with their partners, build a treasure chest of actions and memories, so they know they are loving fully (before it's too late). They deepen their communication in areas in which they’ve been avoiding. They experience the loving touching that had been missing. Acts of love occur spontaneously, including giving and receiving unexpected gifts. Acknowledgment abounds. See www.LoveWithNoRegrets.com for more information.
I am learning to celebrate the feminine by slowing down, breathing more deeply and Savoring all life has to offer me, one precious moment at a time. I am on a new “orgazmic diet” in my life. I seek foods which give me great pleasure when I eat them, sending chills and shudders of ecstasy throughout my entire body! A friend and I had dinner the other night. We told the waiter we could barely speak to each other, we were so busy having one “food orgazm” after another after another!! Now that is what life is all about!
My feminine loves Savoring Nature, feeling bare ground beneath my naked feet. Sensuously sensing the pressure of the grass, tiny stones, roots of trees pushing against me as we connect deeply, skin to skin, making love. The breeze embraces me, tracing my body with hers, twirling my curly hair around her fingers. I imagine she is as aroused by my body and hair, as I am by the air she is, and as I breathe in deeply, we become one with each other, pushing and pulling, exciting the strands of music we are as life plays us together. Ecstasy fills me when I stand naked in a thunderstorm, water rivering my naked body, lightening crackling and dancing as my hairs stand up straight on my skin! I inhale the smoke in the air and shake with delight so fully pierced by its magic, love overflowing every pore of my being!
My orgazmic diet includes sensuous delicious massages, long baths in fragrant waters, warm coconut oil rubbed on my skin. Sitting in the sunshine, nibbling on some fresh greens picked from my own little garden on my deck brings me great pleasure. Taking photographs of nature brings me even closer to the beauty all around me, providing me different perspectives and ways of finding beauty regardless of what I see. Writing my juiciness onto the page, takes me deeper into knowing and loving myself and everything around me.
I celebrate the feminine by embracing everyone and everything, welcoming what comes and resisting nothing. Loving for the joy loving brings, free of expectations of any kind. Open, vulnerable, receptive, giving as nature is to me every day of my life. Every flower and tree, every bird, rivers and mountains, the sun, moon and stars being themselves without question, whether they are noticed or not. The more I seek Pleasure the more it seeks me and I go where I am guided to be. Being Me, authentic and free.
Morgine Jurdan is an Animal & Nature Communicator, Writer, Photographer, Artist, inspiring Coach, learning to Live As Love more deeply every day. "The Divine, for me, is experiencing Itself as All That Is, so every moment of my life now, I am engaging with it. Every face, every particle of creation is in love with me at some level, and me with it. We are in an orgazmic dance, as I remember who I truly am." You can learn more about her here: http://www.MorgineJurdan.com
Are you a woman feeling like there is no you? You feel as if you are losing yourself or that you are an empty vessel just serving the needs of others? You feel like the world would suddenly cease to exist if you were not there to fix things and set them right? You feel if you didn't do these things for others nobody would love you, recognize you, or respect you? You feel like nobody really cares about your needs, they only care about their own?
These are telltale signs that you are burning out and you need to cut back on your activities. If no one else will consider your needs, you need to consider them yourself. You need to take charge of your life and do the things you want to do and not what others demand of you. This is what "self compassion" is all about. The practice of saying "yes" to yourself and at times saying "no" to others will actually enhance your essence of being the woman you are meant to be for yourself and others.
It does not mean you have to stop everything ... as helping others is a very important part of who you are as a woman. However, balance is a very important part of being healthy. In order to help others you have to first help yourself.
Many of us, from childhood on, are taught by our mothers that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice, love, joy and contentment.
When others, even friends and family, ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are saying yes out of a desire for approval or to ward off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate "your personal power" by saying no, you may feel compelled in the beginning to explore what you may feel the consequences are of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.
There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes to others under the circumstances where you embrace the opportunity, you can feel good about offering yourself when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values, self compassion and your appreciation for the joy that is before you.
A Definition of Self-Compassion
By Kristin Neff, Ph.D., author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind
Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Think about what the experience of compassion feels like. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that they are suffering. If you ignore that homeless person on the street, you can’t feel compassion for how difficult his or her experience is. Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others' suffering so that your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means to “suffer with”). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.”
Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.
Learn more about Dr. Neff's book, Self Compassion, at her website: self-compassion.org
Goddesses for Every Day: Exploring the Wisdom and Power of the Divine Feminine Around the World
by Julie Loar
Guest Author and Book Giveaway!
I've just begun to read this unique book which is full of fun and wonder at the outset. Author, Julie Loar, has created a work of art, gathering together the wisdom and legacy of goddesses from around the world. From White Tara in the Tibetan tradition; to Woyengi, a creation goddess of the Nigerian people; to Kali Ma, a beloved luminary to Hindus, Ms. Loar pulls out all the stops to deliver 365 goddesses. No small feat!
As a trained teacher of anthropology and comparative religions, you can imagine how much I am enjoying this book. As a woman on the path to understanding myself—and connecting to the Sacred Feminine within—I'm reveling in its ability to open and inspire me to explore the fullness of the Feminine in its many forms.
We're pleased to present an article by the Ms. Loar, one that is sure to stir your heart too. It's based on her book and is a thought-provoking piece on how we can (and should) reclaim Feminine power by connecting with the Sacred within. Enjoy!
Leave a comment below and you will be entered into a Giveaway drawing to win a copy of Goddesses for Every Day. May your inner goddess grow!
~ Jan Lundy, Editor
Reclaiming Feminine Power by Julie Loar
Nearly forty thousand years ago a Great Goddess was revered, and clay figures of her are the earliest depictions of humans that have been found.Cultures were more agricultural, time was experienced as circular, and the growing cycles of earth were honored.Seasonal festivals celebrated the annual ebb and flow of life as people moved in conscious resonance with shifting cycles of light and dark, life and death.Western culture no longer moves in harmony with natural cycles.In fact, we can no longer see the stars.
In ages past, women were revered as givers of life, and each stage of a woman's life was viewed as an important crossroad, or rite of passage.Women understand cycles because they frame our lives, and there is an intrinsic ebb and flow to the feminine experience.The stages of a woman's life are demarcations of menstruation:pre-puberty, childbearing years, and the cessation of menstrual flow.Each month of an adult woman's life forms a complete cycle of birth and death; a microcosm of life itself.Across the globe these phases were seen as Maiden, Mother and Crone, or Elder, and worshipped as a “triple goddess.”Women’s cycles were seen as mirrors of the cycles of the Sun, Moon and stars.Most ancient cultures honored the elder Crone as a woman who had come fully into her power.Today we fear age, losing the wise voice of experience.
Serious scholars of myth have noticed that the tenor of the stories began to change, and symptoms of this shift in Greek myths included an increasing glorification of war, accompanied by a deteriorating value of agriculture and cyclical time. Western culture has devalued, even demonized, aspects of the feminine for nearly 4,000 years, effectively pushing these archetypes beneath our conscious awareness.The goddess was diminished and was replaced by a solitary, authoritarian male god.The loss of the divine feminine has resulted in a rupture of mind and heart, reverberating through the centuries in violence, alienation and growing environmental devastation.
A resurgence of the sacred feminine is sweeping the planet, but what is the nature of the feminine side of the divine?How is Goddess different from God?These realities profoundly affect the way women view and value themselves and likewise how men perceive everything feminine.The many facets and myriad manifestations of the Goddess embody a seeming paradox, complex and sometimes contradictory.Like life itself, her expressions can be alternately gentle, fierce, loving and nurturing, or creative or destructive.Feminine power is magnetic and attractive, unlike masculine power that sets out to conquer, however subtly.The power of woman is also like the all-encompassing depths of the ocean—able to contain all the joys and sorrows in the world—and still give.
I believe humanity has a deep need to revere the feminine side of the divine.This unmet need is surfacing in our time in such examples as the phenomenal popularity of The Da Vinci Code, which highlighted principles of the feminine.Apparitions of Mary, mother of Jesus, are on the rise around the world.One of the most documented in recent times was in Zeitoun, Egypt, where hundreds of thousands of people of diverse beliefs stood side by side, over a period of twenty-three years, watching as Mary appeared over a small church in a suburb of Cairo. Millions make annual pilgrimages to Fatima, Lourdes, and the site of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico.Worldwide response to the death of beloved Princess Diana of Wales also spoke to our need to revere a feminine archetype.
Women can reconnect and reclaim feminine energy by learning to move more consciously in resonance with cycles:monthly, yearly, and the stages of our lives from maiden, mother and elder crone or grandmother.Embracing the deep symbolic meaning of the cycles of our blood is empowering.Indian cultures have moon lodges where women can be apart when they bleed as this is seen as the height of their monthly power.Paying attention to the phases of the Moon is a simple and powerful way to honor the constant, but ever changing, Moon.We can create a symbolic moon lodge in our own lives.
Seeking the wisdom and counsel of a grandmother can bring that stage of life back to its once-honored place.The strength of a grandmother is a potent force indeed, someone who has stood at the gates of birth and faces the portal of death. We should be willing to sit at the bedside of someone who has chosen to die consciously through hospice. These gateways were once the domain of the crone before being stolen by the patriarchy.
Women can learn more about the diverse myths of global goddesses, taking in the rich legacy of feminine power that was suppressed for so long.Many of these goddesses are alive and well in Hawaii, Africa, India and neo-paganism. Ancient Egyptians said every woman was a nutrit, a “little goddess,” after the nature of the great goddess Nut.I believe it’s time for every woman to live like she believes it.
Julie Loar (formerly Gillentine) has been a student of metaphysics, mythology, and symbolism for more than thirty years. She has traveled to sacred sites around the world researching material for her award-winning books and teaching. She conducts workshops and lectures nationally, and each year she leads a sacred journey to Egypt. She was an executive in two major corporations before turning to writing full-time. Julie lives in Colorado.
This month at Buddha Chick Life we are ‘Celebrating the Feminine’, a theme I now love, but was actually slow to warm up to in my own spiritual journey. When I first began meditating in college, I was resistant to the idea of a sacred feminine – which of course seems strange to me now that I work so much with Women’s Energetics! But at the time, I was attracted to the idea of working at the level of mind and spirit, and I felt that these transcended the body and its concerns, including gender. I also was so steeped in the idea of gender equality – socially, politically, and spiritually – that I hesitated to discuss how men’s and women’s spiritual journeys might be different, because difference seemed to somehow imply inequality.
My journey into chakra and energy work, and the intersection of healing and spirituality, gradually changed my view on this. I no longer view the body, mind, and spirit as independent from each other. Instead, they are a fluid spectrum, and they engage with each other all the time. When we experience spirit, it is also in our body, a vibration that we feel in our very pores. And the experiences of our daily physical life are infused with spirit, from hugging our children, to watching a beautiful sunset, to eating an exquisite meal. To me, we can’t talk about mind and body, or spirit and body, as separate, so of course we can’t discount differences in men’s and women’s experiences, since our bodies (and energy bodies!) are indeed different.
A legend that exemplifies this for me is that of Tara, honored in multiple Buddhist and Hindu traditions as an embodiment of feminine enlightenment. In Tibetan Buddhism, there are actually multiple Taras, each a different color, representing various aspects of enlightenment. The most well-known are Green Tara, representing compassion in action, and White Tara, also representing compassion, along with purity and undifferentiated truth.
Tara is sometimes referred to as the ‘first feminist’ within Buddhism because of a vow she made to incarnate continually in a woman’s body, aiding all sentient beings. According to this legend, before incarnating here in human form, Tara existed as a young princess named Yeshe Dawa, or ‘Moon of Primordial Awareness’, in another realm. She was a devout Buddhist in that realm, and became known for her spiritual attainments. Because of this, some young monks approached her and praised her, advising her that she should pray to be reborn as a man in her next life, to further her progress. To which she replied:
“Here there is no man; there is no woman, no self, no person, and no consciousness. Labeling ‘male’ or ‘female’ is hollow. Oh, how worldly fools delude themselves…Those who wish to attain supreme enlightenment in a man’s body are many, but those who wish to serve the aims of being in a woman’s body are few indeed; therefore may I, until this world is emptied out, work for the benefit of sentient beings in a woman’s body.”
- from The Origin of Tara Tantra, by Jo Nang Taranatha
I love this response because it captures the seeming paradox of talking about the sacred feminine – that on the one hand gender is irrelevant – “labeling male and female is hollow” – and yet acknowledges that there is also something distinct about “serv[ing] the aims of being in a woman’s body.”
Within the tradition of Tantra, this is captured beautifully in the idea of embodied enlightenment. Our bodies – physical and energetic – are like prisms that each refract the clear white light of Source in a unique way, creating our own distinct rainbow. Women’s and men’s bodies refract light differently, so our spiritual experience and practice are at times distinct, but we are both reflections – and both awaken to – the same clear, essential light within us.
This for me is the sacred feminine - embracing the unique ways that women refract, experience, and awaken to the clear light of Source. This is not better or worse than the sacred masculine, and indeed one doesn’t exist without the other. Embracing both, and the beautiful symbols we have for each, is part of the joy of walking a spiritual path. As is embracing our totality - mind, body, and spirit - as one beautiful whole.
May Tara, Mother of Compassion, bless you with her insight this month, and may you indeed celebrate the sacred feminine as it expresses itself in you!
After attending a recent Sacred Feminine retreat at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in northern California, I found myself in touch with lots of anger.I knew it had something to do with the excess baggage of guilt I carried in my heart and all the shoulds that polluted my mind.
No wonder I was walking around tired and anxious most of the time! I was looking at my reflection all stretched and distorted in all the Fun House mirrors of others’ eyes.I was constantly asking myself the questions, “Am I OK?Do I need to change anything?”
Does this sound familiar to you?For years women have conformed to the expectations of family and society at large.Like water we have unquestioningly shaped ourselves to fit the container of others’ needs.In the process we have stifled our own needs, cooking our own meals separately on the backburner and eating last at the family table.
I spent some time reflecting on some of the myths I believed about women.For years I took oral contraceptives believing my moodiness and heavy menses were wild and evil in need of suppression.When I stopped the pill, I had deeper insights and more creative energy to write and explore my psyche than I ever deemed possible.I’d listen to the men in my family criticize the women for talking in circles and taking a roundabout way to ‘get to the point’.In contrast they praised logic and linear, concise speech.Trying desperately to eliminate all emotion and extra words as if I would be imprisoned for unnecessary speech, I would choose my words carefully.
I asked myself what my life would look like if I dressed more often in my softest words of wisdom whispering from within.I would honor my own pace of seeing fewer patients and not feel guilty about producing less money than other colleagues at work.I would continue my meditation, yoga, exercise, and writing practice despite my family’s perception that I demanded more personal time than them.I would try to see my daughter’s headstrong ways as the flowering of her Sacred Feminine essence.I would practice compassionate presence with other women and perhaps even facilitate a women’s writing circle.
As women we have intuitive access to our Sacred Feminine spirit.When we dance to another’s tune, we ignore the music of our heart’s deepest longing.During the month of February I wrote down five things that reflected my inherent goodness, my True Nature each evening.I found I had a natural capacity for kindness, compassion, spaciousness, and love that were independent of external validation, material possessions, physical health or appearance.
I highly recommend this or another practice that helps you reconnect with your Sacred Feminine self deeply and often.When you can see your true colors, you awaken to your soul’s sunrise.Imagine the light we could spread to heal the world!
"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction..."
~Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)
The first time I read this, words penned by the infamous English writer, Virginia Woolf, a chord of recognition struck in me. I knew that what she said was true, at least from my experience. As a writer, I did need a room of my own—physical space—so I could create without interruption. (She also advised having a lock on the door!) It seemed equally true that a woman writer might need to have a source of additional income, for, as you may know, most writers can’t live on what they earn from the craft. Ms. Woolf apparently lived off a stipend, an inheritance from her aunt. True for me, too, as I seem to earn the bulk of my living from teaching rather than writing.
And though Ms. Woolf offered this sage advice to women writers specifically— women in her day were not admitted to universities or libraries, much less accepted as writers—she speaks to all women everywhere about the importance of self-worth, self-reliance, and freedom.
A Room of Our Own
To me, the metaphor of having a room of one’s own means having space to create what our soul wishes to express. As busy women today, playing multiple roles in the home, workplace, and community, we don’t often get time and opportunity to be by ourselves. Never free, it seems, from the tugs and pull of families or office, we are tied to the needs and demands of others. We are “on call” all the time. Solitude eludes us.
Thinking back on this now (as I have the luxury of solitude, mid-life years, children gone from the nest), I recall times when the only room of my own was the bathroom. The “necessary room,” as my grandmother called it, was absolutely necessary to me. It provided sanity, a getaway space, as well as inner space to be me. The bathtub served as my privacy zone where I could think without interruption; a watery sanctuary to create and dream, even write in a drip-marked journal. The bathroom was my inspiration—and my salvation as a woman and as a writer.
Creating Space
I believe it is vital for women to have “room” in this way. We can physically create this space for ourselves, beginning with even a section of a room and making it our own: a cozy corner or a creative cupboard we can visit to access the deeper parts of ourselves. Or, if we are fortunate, an entire room (spare bedroom, office) to indulge our need for quiet or study or artistic expression. We women need a sense of place with our own things— mementos, pictures, and books, that which comforts and inspires us.
Equally important is emotional space. We may have to carve this out as well. We begin by being open with our loved ones about our growing need for privacy or alone time. We may have to learn to say no to the requests of others. We will need to establish the importance of our own values and expect others to respect them. When my children were young, and I was often escaping to the “necessary room,” one of them would inevitably knock on the door claiming urgency. I remember saying to him or her, “I am not to be bothered unless there is blood or fire.” The point was well taken, but it took resolve on my part.
The questions beg to be asked. Do you have a physical space where you can retire to be you? A place where you feel safe? Where you can rest when exhausted from the busyness of life? A place where you can listen to and express your inner voice?
And how are you doing with claiming your inner freedom, your independence from the demands of others? Are you able to speak what you need aloud and expect others to acknowledge it? Are you passionate, determined, to stay the course of your own blooming so you can become all that you are meant to be—especially if it means saying, “Not right now” to others and “Yes!” to yourself?
My hope is that if you are not yet completely able to affirm your need for “room,” for breathing and be-ing space for yourself, that you will begin today. Take a baby step in that direction. Make a tiny change; do one new thing for yourself.
And may you do so knowing that you are worth the time and energy it takes to be free, truly free; to be the unique expression of you that the world needs right now—now more than ever. May you always find room to grow …
I’ve banned the “S” word from my vocabulary. I hope after reading this column you will too.
“Selfish” … it’s what women are often called when they take time for themselves. And it’s the primary reason, I believe, why so many women do not take good care of themselves—or give themselves what they need to feel healthy and whole. We’re afraid of being perceived as selfish.
And why is it that when we manage to get beyond the “S” word and do beneficial things for ourselves, we automatically assume that someone else will be deprived or neglected. Women have been tremendously dis-served by this perspective—that we can take time, spend money, or indulge in self-care only if:
• we have done all our other work
• no one else needs us at the moment
• we have extra money to spend
Beneath the surface of each of these faulty notions is the belief that we, and our personal time, are not as valuable as others’. We seem to need to convince ourselves that we are worth it; that we are worth our time, money, and personal attention. This February, the month of Love, I’d like to invite you to change your thinking about this and to explore and cultivate self-love in a bold new way.
Our journey takes off when can begin to say “Yes!” to ourselves more often; give ourselves permission to receive the same loving regard we give to others. Without the “S” word cropping up. Or its evil twin, “Guilt,” paying a visit. Would you like to try? I hope so because you are worth it, and you—just as much as anyone else—deserve your own loving-kindness.
For the next 21 days, practice showing more love to yourself in these simple, yet powerful ways. It takes 3 full weeks to create any new habit and self-love is no exception. Make consistent time for yourself and you’ll be well on your way to creating a more loving relationship with YOU!
1. Say no to taking on more responsibility.
2. Take one-half day a week to do exactly what you want to do.
3. Spend at least 30 minutes each day by yourself, with no one tugging at you.
4. Be a little girl again and play!
5. Take up the hobby you’ve always wanted to or revive an old one you’ve let go.
6. Stop rushing. Do things like walking, bathing, shopping more leisurely.
7. Allow other people to clean up after themselves and make their own decisions.
8. Turn off the TV, cell phone, computer; spend time in the quiet and enjoy your own company.
9. Do something to cultivate female friendship.
10. Eat at least one outrageously healthy meal each day.
11. Get outside and let Nature nurture your spirit.
12. Sleep when you’re tired.
13. Stay away from people who demean or demoralize you.
14. Buy yourself flowers.
15. Trust your own choices.
16. Talk lovingly to yourself.
17. Quit one bad habit.
18. Give yourself permission to feel all of your feelings.
19. Take yourself on a date and go somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
20. Eat something truly decadent without guilt.
21. Become passionately self-aware of what you need in any given moment to be relaxed, happy, and healthy and give yourself that!
“Self-aware”—now that’s an “S” word I’m more than happy to embrace! And it’s a very good way to reframe any thoughts or feelings that might arise to sabotage our emerging self-love.
After 21 days, because you will have created many self-loving habits, I can just hear you giving voice to self-love whenever a well meaning other questions what you’re doing—or tries to sabotage your self-care efforts:
“Yes, I am being quite self-aware, thank you, and it feels really good.” Stay strong, persevere, be passionate about your journey into love, and, in time, others will appreciate you more. Why? Because people who love themselves more, become more loving and magnanimous toward others. And who doesn’t want to be more loved by you?
Funny, how life works. We give our true self what it needs and everybody benefits.
What is the Sacred Feminine? The Sacred Feminineis the energy within us and in the universe that serves life itself. The qualities of unconditional love, compassion, wisdom, beauty, gentleness, patience, accepting, forgiving, nurturing, welcoming, accessible, kind, intuitive and healing, and so much more, are carried by the Sacred Feminine.
The time has come to balance the energies within ourselves and in our belief systems by honoring the Sacred Feminine. The newness of a New Year is the perfect time to embrace your calling and live this mystic, magical Sacred journey. You may believe the religions of the world have different beliefs, ideologies, and rituals, and it is true some do. However, in looking at what most religions have in common it is the intention of love, compassion and kindness to all living things. These qualities are of the Sacred Feminine.
In our year long "Creating a Life of Contentment" course with Jan Lundy, December's theme was rich in discoveries of the Sacred Feminine. In my learning's, She (I) is a powerful essence that gives both strength and fluidity to love herself and to all human beings and to all of life. Knowing that the World's Divine Mother, and other Divine Sacred Goddesses are present, gives me strength and comfort as I face life’s challenges on my spiritual path of devotion.
Intention is an important first step toward balancing the male and female within. With intention we focus our energy and our thoughts on the shift that we are creating in our self, which results in balance. Whatever we focus on we create more of and it expands. The mind is a tool and we create through our thinking.Adding intention drives us to our goal with powerful energy. So through intention we seek aspects of ourselves that will draw to us to the opportunities that allow this to manifest within us and to grow. When we live with intention, we are able to live our true potential and our own divine nature, which is balance.
Awareness supports intention. With awareness of our own Divine nature, the door opens to seeing the Sacred Feminine and she dwells in each of us. Awareness of ourselves gives energy to developing our Sacred calling and expanding the beauty in ourselves. The rich qualities that are inherent in the Sacred Feminine as we cultivate this essence grows to fullness in our spirit when we bring our self to awareness.
Acknowledgment of the many wonderful qualities of the Sacred Feminine that we carry in us and express in our daily lives helps to ground us in the knowingness of who we are. With this awareness and acknowledgmentwe are more able to live our true potential. We are given this great gift and acceptance of our own being is crucial to understanding our sacredness. We are not our bodies, not our minds or our emotions. Knowing we are Spirit, assists us in Divine creating in all areas of our lives. We are Divine Creatures with a special purpose. Give into your Divine Sacredness with great compassion and experience your feminine being, Spiritual acceptance will start you on this path.
What we learn is how spirituality manifests most in how we deal with problems, especially in relationships with people; secondly, in whether we unfold the potentialities in our being and how we embrace them; and finally, an absolute, crystal-clear understanding of what lies behind the appearance of things; not being caught up in the appearance but really seeing the cause behind the cause and the purpose beyond the purpose. It can lead to an extraordinary clarity that should give a great brilliance to your whole being; your consciousness can become like a light that illuminates all things, and you yourself can become like a crystal, absolutely clear. It is a true Awakening!
Below are a list of practices or questions that may come to mind to cultivate and think upon. Mindfulness lends greatness to these experiences as we call upon as our Sacred Feminine who reveals more and more of our being.
Being more grounded and present for whatever shows-up in life
Having greater patience with those around you
Feeling juicier and more connected to your passion and creativity
Getting more focused, so you accomplish a lot with your limited time
Restoring that twinkle in your eye and laughing more easily
Being calm, instead of fearful, in the face of challenging situations
Getting deeply connected with an amazing community of Soulful Women
Having a deeper sense of intimacy with your loved ones
Embodying the frequency of love every moment, so you can transform the world through your love and service
Accepting your body as perfect and Divine with compassion
Look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate the Goddess looking back at you
A poem that illustrates this by Patricia Lynn Reilly ...
IMAGINE A WOMAN
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good She is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses To carry the sin of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself. A woman who listens to her needs and desires. Who meets them with tenderness and grace.
Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s Influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods. A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness. Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body. A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
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