This day is one to be made love - its skin is so warm. Blueberry bell clusters chime with fragrance. Bumblebees are going mad with choice. Ferns spiral upwards in undulating stillness. Finches echo springtime's wonderment in song. Mud, moss, mayflowers, and violets; the sky a cloudless celebration of blue. The whole day heaves in a quiet kind of heat. To think I'd almost stayed inside to work at making something worthy; to earn what was already given; to praise what was already praised.
Mothering in the Moment: Lessons on Mothering Learned from Mother Nature
by Jennifer Niedzielski
Mother Nature’s Life Lessons
As mothers, we have a profound teacher on the art of mothering available to us at all times. That teacher is Mother Nature. She has so much to teach us if we are ready and willing to listen. There is one lesson she has been waiting for me to learn for a very long time-- the Law of Least Effort. Now that I am a mother, it’s become essential that I learn it!
The Law of Least Effort is one of the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. “Do less and accomplish more,” is its mantra. Now, I've just got to say, this is so not intuitive to me. I am (err-- was) the type of person who believes that struggle, stress, and strain are essential for doing anything of importance well. Thus, I pursed mothering with the same rigor I did everything else in life; I was hard on myself, demanded perfection, worked tirelessly without breaks, and sought control of every situation.
But my theory wasn’t effective in mothering (nor in life, I’m finally able to see). The harder I pushed myself in my mothering, the harder it pushed right back. I was constantly overwhelmed and stressed. I was anxious. I fell prey to perfectionist thinking. I was angry, tired, and reactive-- all the time! That’s when I started to realize that stress, strain, and working really, really hard to be successful was actually counter-productive. Perhaps there was something to the idea of doing less to accomplish more. What did I have to lose in testing it out?
The Effortless Ease of Mother Nature
The Law of Least Effort reminds us that Mother Nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease and grace. There is no resistance. “Grass doesn’t try to grow, it just grows…Flowers don’t try to bloom, they bloom…Birds don’t try to fly, they fly” (Chopra). In essence, the Law of Least Effort is all about just “being.” It’s all about letting go, accepting the present moment, and not thinking so darn much.
To really grasp this concept of doing less, consider how a flower grows. It doesn’t stress or strain in order to “accomplish” its true nature and beauty. It simply does exactly what it is destined to do without expending any more effort or energy than absolutely necessary. It doesn’t think, “I wonder if I’m doing this right. Am I growing fast enough? Am I as pretty as the other flowers around me? Perhaps I should try to be tulip and not a rose. I really got to get going here. I better hurry up!”
Silly example, I know. But when I consider how everything in nature displays this effortless ease and grace (sans thought), I begin to realize just how much our thinking is our primary problem. As I see it, struggle, strife, and stress all come into play as a result of our “extra” thoughts about the thing we are doing, not the doing of the thing itself. Yes, we are intelligent human beings blessed with the ability to think, but we are also infinitely intelligent human beings blessed with the ability to control our thinking so to access the sacred space of non-thinking whenever we wish.
Mindful Mothering
The principle of the Law of Least Effort and doing less to accomplish more might not initially seem realistic in mothering. More times than not, we feel we have to expend as much effort as possible to accomplish the countless things that must be done every single day. There is no denying that mothering is, at times, chaotic, challenging, and all-consuming.
But what would happen if we thought “less” in these moments? What would happen if we didn’t mentally judge these moments as stressful, bad, boring, or unacceptable? What would happen if we intentionally breathed in and out in the situations that stressed us out and focused our attention on our breath and not on our negative thoughts?
I know what happens. I’ve experienced it. I mother from a sacred place. Every time I surrender to all the mothering moments in my life by releasing my judgment of them (e.g., doing less thinking), I accomplish peace of mind. When I accomplish peace of mind, I tap into my infinite font of pure love. When I mother from this place, I respond to my children and all my mothering moments with effortless grace and ease-- just like Mother Nature intended.
Jennifer Niedzielski is a teacher, writer, mother of three young daughters, and the co-founder of Mindful Moms Network™. After teaching in the traditional classroom setting for over 12 years, she is transcending classroom walls to inspire and teach women how to reclaim their calm and take exquisite care of their mind, body, and inner-selves amidst the chaos of mothering. Through Mindful Moms, it is her intention to create a nurturing and supportive community for moms that encourages Inward Development through the Art of Mothering.
It is our pleasure at Buddha Chick Life to welcome an inspiring naturalist and the author/illustrator of a delightful new children's book that encourages young ones to connect with and celebrate nature. She also invites us, as adults, to re-examine our relationship with nature. She shares ways that we can find delight in our natural surroundings in wonderful new ways. Welcome, Marghanita!
1. What led you to the writing of your book, Orange Moon - Grandmother Tree?
We all have a story to tell. Each one of us is a story teller. People weave in and out of our lives at different times for different reasons, each one gifting their stories as we share our journey with them. Some leaving footprints on our heats. One such person had many stories to share, gifting wisdom, knowledge and helping me find enlightenment. During my awakening, rebirth, I was gifted Orange Moon. It was on a beautiful summers day in this dear friend's enchanted garden when Orange Moon appeared, as if by magic dancing amongst the wildflowers. A vision so beautiful, so pure only the gods could gift. I believe Orange Moon was gifted to me to help return our children to Mother Earth.
2. What is the main message of this book? What do you hope the reader will gain from reading it?
The main message I would hope that readers take from the book is how infinitely connected we are to one another and everything in our world. And that connection carries on even after death. My hope is that the parents and children who read the Orange Moon book series will catch a glimpse of the awe and wonder of our beautiful and enchanting Mother Earth, hopefully inspiring the reader to spend more time outdoors in the natural world, connecting to the oneness and reaping all the benefits time spent in nature gifts us.
3. You are also the illustrator. Tell us about that and what inspires/influences your drawing?
Mother Nature is my teacher, my healer, my inspiration. My surroundings and the beautiful people that journey in and out of my life have a great influence on my art too. Being very sensitive, I feel others joys and sorrows deep within my heart. The love that is abundantly felt burns deep, pure and true, gifting immense joy. This joy flows through me, melting into liquid, transforming into the very ink with which I write and draw. Orange Moon is my way of communicating with others, gifting and sharing the love and passion I feel for life and Mother Earth.
4. What do you perceive is the relationship between connecting with nature and spiritual growth? For healing?
Nature is the gateway to all spiritual growth. We are nature, there is no separation. In order for us to be healthy, well balanced beings we need to spend time in nature. The more disconnected we are from nature, the more lost and ill we become. Nature is our teacher and healer, our life force. When we take time to listen deeply with our hearts, with kindness and curiosity, we are able to allow Mother Nature to heal us. When I enter the forest I feel I have returned home, a place I feel safe and loved. When our hearts are fully open, we can feel that deep connection with Mother Earth. Without nature we are nothing.
5. Tell us more about the work you do with children connecting them with nature.
When children and nature mix, something magical happens. I am passionate about changing the way children spend their time by reconnecting them with nature and reawakening the awe and wonder in those of us who have become lost. I run nature classes for children (and adults) - celebrating the pure and simple power of life. We provide a natural space where children can run, play, dance, sing, squeal, shout or be silent in this forest space. They stand, kneel or crouch to paint or create the creatures, birds, trees, flowers and grasses which are all around us. We are in a space where we are surrounded by the magic of nature. The sessions flow from what happens around us each day. We are all totally absorbed in the present moment. All of this evokes joy, sparks imagination and laughter, peace, wonder, awe, love, contentment and enthusiasm. We then harness this energy and flow into foraging, hunting and collecting seeds, berries, pebbles, stones, leaves, petals, twigs, flowers and branches which, over the different sessions and seasons, we then use to create (by painting, weaving, threading, gluing) owls, squirrels, butterflies, snakes, bees, fish, turtles, flowers, frogs, bats, dragonflies and spiders, and bows and arrows. I feel honored and blessed to have been chosen to help return our children to Mother Earth.
6. How can each of us connect more deeply with nature, even as adults?
Each new day is a gift. A miracle to be celebrated. Simply by taking time to be in nature, we honor her and ourselves. A deeper connection can be easily achieved by silencing the mind, and being in the moment. Unplug and step outside the office or your home and allow the sun beams to kiss your face, let the sweet bird song soften your heart, let the sprinkling of soft raindrops wash away all your worries allowing your spirit to dance. Grabbing just 10 minutes of your day to feel that peace, that connectedness, that love, is spiritually quenching.
Thank you, Marghanita! What a beautiful mission you have created. May many beings benefit from your generous heart and earth-loving efforts!
You may enjoy this stunning video featuring Marghanita and her work.
Marghanita Hughes is a children’s author and illustrator and creator of the award-winning children’s brand: The Little Humbugs and the Orange Moon book series. She is truly able to spark a child’s sense of wonder. Marghanita is a naturalist and founder of the “Let’s Go Outside” Revolution – a non-profit organization with a mission to change the way children spend their time. Throughout the year, Marghanita runs nature classes for children and interactive workshops for educators wanting to learn how they can connect children with the natural world. She strongly believes that all children should be given the opportunity to discover and explore the natural world.
Because human beings are members of the animal kingdom, the out-of-doors is our natural home. Yet, in the spirit of progress, we have increasingly cut ourselves off from nature. Many of us feel more "apart from" than "a part of' nature. We live and work indoors, away from our natural environment. We are surrounded by artificial light, noise and structures.
In an article for New Woman magazine, Joan Arnold wrote:
"As our daily surroundings become more synthetic, we rush to work in cars or trains to spend our days in sealed climate-controlled boxes. With our senses numbed by a daily barrage of noises and images, few of us deem it crucial to watch the shape of a cloud or finger a leaf."
Because of this sort of daily regimen and exposure to unnatural surroundings, we often feel disconnected from nature—and ourselves. If we paid attention, however, we’d notice we feel more at home, in the natural world. We actually feel better when we are out-of-doors, breathing fresh air instead of processed air, and soaking in the sights and sounds of Mother Nature.
A study presented by Bernadette Cimprich, Ph.D. shows exposure to nature has a profound influence on our health, attitude, and general well-being. She found that "women recovering from breast cancer surgery fared better when they were closer to nature. In her study, patients were divided into two groups. Those involved in a nature activity three times per week for 90 days complained much less of mental fatigue or inability to cope. Compared with the control group, their cognitive acuity was measurably sharper, they were more likely to return to work full time and were more game for new endeavors, like losing weight or learning to play an instrument."
By reconnecting with nature, we can reap a multitude of benefits for body, mind and spirit. We can literally help ourselves bloom, and Spring provides us with the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Nature may also serve as our most prolific teacher—if we are able to stop, look, pay attention and listen—truly listen to what Mother Nature might be saying to us. From the time I was a small girl, I found myself listening to nature in this way. I always had a sense that if I could quiet the voices in my own mind I could hear magical whisperings of wisdom from the earth and sky. A quiet walk in a piney woods, sitting at the ocean’s edge, fingering the petals of a delicate flower in my grandmother’s garden ... each was a gateway to deeper knowing if I could attune myself to their revelations. “Patience,” says the earthworm. “Let go,” offers the wave. “Be yourself,” advises the Bleeding Heart.
Nature writers and mystics, from Rachel Carson to John Muir, invite us to reconnect with that which is timeless and supreme by immersing ourselves in natural beauty. Lao Tzu, the Taoist philosopher, compares the flow of a river to the soul’s progress. Henry David Thoreau said, “My profession is always to be alert, to find God in nature.” The Buddha taught, “If you wish to know the divine, feel the wind on your face and warm sun on your hand.”
Lucky for us, a number of our gifted contributors this month feel the same way. They invite us, through their unique words, to plug in to nature and reap the benefits— growth, healing, appreciation, illumination, Oneness.
In this issue of Buddha Chick Life, dedicated to the theme of “Nature as Teacher and Healer,” you’ll read about:
• Marghanita, a naturalist and author, and her new children’s book "Orange Moon, Grandmother Tree." • Linda Lyzenga's, "Nature's Gracious Gift to a Slow Learner" • Sheila Finkelstein's photo-journey, "Healing Light and Shadows" • Kaveri Patel's, "Chrysalis" • Lisa Erickson's, "Working with the Chakras and the Elements" • Jennifer Niedzielski, "Lessons on Mothering Learned from Mother Nature"
and numerous poetry offerings enable our spirits to soar with nature as inspiration.
May the words of Rachel Carson guide us to spend more time at the shore, in the mountains, in the woods, in the desert, this month:
"Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life ... Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts."
May it be so for you. May it be so for all beings.
At times, concepts like unity, interspiritual appreciation and connection escape me. In our fast pace world of individual one-way commutes, that take me nearly an hour, only to deliver me at my individual work cubicle to peer into my computer screen, resulting in peering into the bank machine, the ever present feeling of needing to make a living is alive and well in my world.
Sadly, the remains of my day often look like a septuagenarian convalescing from surgery or other unfortunate thing. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I’m only in my 30’s. After dinner I’m usually lying on our couch, watching tv, then into the tub for a hot soak, and routinely going to bed early enough so I can keep up appearances. I do try to call my parents, but their usually at choir practice, three of them on three different nights to be exact, as well as theatre tickets or doing some volunteer work. Truth be told, I want to stay home most of the time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Home is where the heart is. It’s where my beloved lives. And I want to love him and everyone else in my life as much as they love me. And I need to rest in order to do that. For I have learned from many marvelous individuals that love is everything. Let me explain.
My mom was born Veronica Freedman, in Austria in 1936. When she and her family were captured by the Germans during WWII, it caused her father so much stress that he passed away soon after. Being that my grandmother was not of Jewish decent, the German soldiers let them go, and they moved to a camp for displaced people. To making their lives easier, they took my grandmother’s maiden name of Hutter. After the war, my grandmother raised her seven children and my mom Catholic. They moved to Winnipeg, Canada in 1952.
In 1959, my mom married my dad, a nice Anglican chap in a civil service, as neither one of their churches would marry then. They brought my sister and I up Anglican.
When it was my sister’s time to get married, she and her husband were fortunate enough to get married in his Baptist church. In 1997 I married a lovely Mennonite boy at an outside wedding. But again, because of our different faiths, our churches would not marry us.
Often times there are powers beyond our control that initially prevent us from accomplishing the simplest things, like get married. But love is the strongest power. It trumps over everything else. Martin Luther King Jr. Once said, "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend".
With any job or career, if we use metta, loving kindness, our quality of work will expand exponentially. As a massage therapist, yoga therapist and instructor, while using other modalities of acupuncture, cupping, Reiki and hot stones, I first ground myself with love and compassion. Depending on the vibration from the client, I can often envision them as babies being held and loved by their parents. I feel the energy blocked in their sore muscles, joints, or stressed out bodies, and try to move it. When I feel tension or resistance, I pour as much love into them as possible, sometimes seeing with my mind’s eye the colours of light changing within their body. And then they take a deep breath. It is usually then that they go deeper into relaxation or fall asleep. Clients often indicate that they feel warmth or a peace flow through them.
Whatever we want to do in this life, we first need to start within our own hearts.
Sometimes lying on the couch is the most loving thing we can do for ourselves. It gives us time to look within, and take a breath. This breathe helps us recuperate, and sends us on our journey to become better people. To pour love into the world is a call to spirit, to take a gentle step, and see where it may lead us. Love is not just the beginning of everything, it is everything. It is our flame to find the unity, and connection in a sometimes dark world.
Karen Bergen is a body worker certified in massage therapy, yoga therapy, and yoga instruction. She loves to marry different modalities like Reiki, acupuncture, and cupping together to create an experience suitable to each individual. She works out of her home that she shares with her handsome husband and Pekingese puppy. Living in Canada gives her great opportunity to hone her skills at ice skating, and cross country skiing, but is still stuck on the struggling skill of stopping.
with family it's complicated guarded hearts miles of barbed wire
defenses down open to hurt holding myself to hold you
If you’ve been raised by a family or currently have a family of your own, you certainly know what it’s like to have a disagreement. Feelings of anger can manifest as intense body heat and a tightly clenched jaw. Your shoulders may slump from disappointment in feeling unheard, unseen. Your beautiful beating heart that once held so much love and gratitude for this family member is now encased in a barbed wire fence as you find yourself disconnected, isolated, and alone.
Biologically, we are wired to respond in one of three ways - fighting, fleeing, or freezing. After an argument with my husband, mother, or daughter, it’s so easy to regress to a primordial state. I feel justified in yelling and trying to get in the last word, doing my best to blame them and point out all the obvious reasons why it’s their fault. Sometimes I walk away with a sad look on my face hoping they will be overwhelmed by guilt and come looking for me to apologize.
I’d like to introduce a fourth option, the adult time out. Sometimes I will retreat to my meditation cushion and sit for a few minutes, allowing my breath to gently tame the turbulent emotions with kind and compassionate attention. At other times I might take some slow deep breaths and feel my feet on the ground or my contact with the chair as I look outside and remember Mother Earth supporting me in countless, mysterious ways.
I hold my hurt feelings tenderly until I no longer wish to erect a barbed wire fence around my heart cutting those who get too close. My heart becomes an open field inviting others to share their feelings freely. Weeds of ignorance transform into wildflowers of understanding and forgiveness as I remember that my family just wants to feel happy, safe, and loved as I do.
If we could all pause in such difficult moments with family, friends, colleagues, coworkers, and maybe even our enemies, imagine the possibilities.
Kaveri has been on a quest to find answers, not through religious texts, any particular person or popular dogma,but through her own experiences. She lives with her wonderful family in northern California where she practices medicine, meditation, parenting, yoga, writing, and patience. Kaveri's column here focuses on "Living Poetry." Her first book of poetry, An Invitation, has just been released. She can be reached at: aninvitationpoetry@gmail.com
Possessing ultra-violet vision, honeybees see through flowers to detect their hidden nectar. When we develop similar vision, we see the nectar inside others.
Within everyone there is gold, there is an interior world to be explored, there is something to cherish and to love.
~~~~~
When the Hindus say, "Namaste," they are saying, The Divine in me salutes the Divine in you. When Jesus said, The Kingdom of God is within you, this is what he meant.
~~~~~
NAMASTE
I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one. ~~from the Sanskrit
~~~~~
Honor the place in yourself in which the entire Universe dwells. This is the landscape of your heart, the growing flower of your consciousness ~ ever expanding, timeless, without limit, without end.
~~~~~
When you honor the Self in all beings throughout the natural world, you grow in understanding that all are intertwined. The relation of your soul with the World Soul becomes a splendid love affair.
This month’s theme of "Interspiritual Connection and Celebration" is a timely one as 2012 has been declared by the Mayor of my home town to be the Year of Interfaith Understanding - a year-long effort designed to cultivate community, campus, and congregational interest in the critical issue of interfaith understanding.
My interest is piqued. How about yours?
If you’ve followed the transformational journey of Uncovered Buddha Chick, you’ll recall that she grew up in an ultraconservative Christian community that was suspicious of ecumenism – let alone interspiritual connections. With this months submission date drawing near, her alter ego, Good Church Lady, was whispering in my ear, “are you sure you want to submit on this topic?” Tension mounted and I was tempted to go undercover once again- or at least be silent. It’s not too long ago, when introduced to my hometown Interfaith Dialogue Association that I was suspicious.
Today, while still cautious, I am no longer threatened by the goals of the IDA – which are as follows:
To advance understanding of religions and ideologies by study, dialogue, and sharing about religious experiences
· To eliminate prejudice between members of different religious traditions and ideologies
· To foster an appreciation for the richness of diverse religions and ideologies
· To identify commonalities and differences among religions and ideologies to enhance personal growth and transformation
· To promote friendship and trust among people of diverse religions and ideologies
Though I haven’t gone so far as to engage with Interfaith Dialogue Association, I am delighted to apply their Ground Rules of Inter-religious and Inter-ideological Dialogue here at Buddha Chick Life.
The Dialogue Decalogue: *
Dialogue to learn, to change, and to grow, and act accordingly
Dialogue with honesty and sincerity
Dialogue comparing ideals with ideals, and practice with practice
Dialogue to define yourself and to learn the self definition of others
Dialogue with no hard and fast assumptions about someone else’s beliefs
Dialogue to share with equals
Dialogue in trust
Dialogue with willingness to look at your own beliefs and traditions critically
Dialogue seeking to understand the other person’s beliefs from within
*From Dr. Leonard Swidler’s “The Dialogue Decalogue” Journal of Ecumenical Studies (1983)
I can’t think of a better place for this recovering good church lady to espouse her new learnings than right here at BCL. Might we learn together and celebrate our interspiritual connections during this year, 2012-the year of Interfaith Understanding.
Previously know as Undercover Buddha Chick, Uncovered Buddha Chick is learning to live more and more out of her true self - to live authentically. To live simply. To live without fear – or, at least, to be courageous in the face of fear. To live with an open heart. Through mindfulness, metta and loving-kindness and self compassion practices self awareness is being cultivated. With eyes wide open to see and ears to hear what’s really going on within herself, she is learning transparency. In the process, pre-conceived notions, prejudices and judgments are being released. Her longings for authentic community are being met, in part, on the pages of Buddha Chick Life. Having come out of the shadows to live clear, calm and wise, she wants to be a better human being. She is me. Is she you?
Music for Massage, Yoga, Working Out, Going Within, Living, Loving
by Dean Evenson
For many years now, I've enjoyed the ambient music of Dean and Dudley Evenson and Soundings of the Planet. This musically gifted duo (and a stellar gathering of musicians) has created more than 60 albums, all for the purpose of relaxation, healing, and bringing peace to the planet. "Peace through Music" is the byline of their record label.
At Buddha Chick Life, we are pleased to feature Dean's newest album, Relaxation Zone, sure to lift you out of tension and troubles into a stress-free zone. I'm personally enjoying this CD very much and just emailed Dudley to tell her I think it's one of Dean's finest. I nearly always do my daily writing with Soundings music playing in the background. This particular offering has become a ready favorite.
Gentle rolling rhythms, atmospheric grooves, soft percussion and a touch of didgeridoo invite you relax into the moment. Charting a new direction, Dean Evenson has put down his flute for this album to create these lovely keyboard compositions that are uplifting as well as comforting and supportive. The resulting ambience is perfect for healing arts practitioners and others who have been asking him for music with a little more rhythm but still with that signature ‘Evenson’ mood.
We all need to relax. Our modern lifestyles have caused a new kind of stress that our forebears didn’t know. While they may have had an adrenaline rush from being chased by a wild animal, our demons are often the ones we are chasing in our own minds. Stress comes in many forms. How we deal with it is up to us. The liner notes for Relaxation Zone include suggestions to help a person relax. Whether it is learning how to breathe, moving our bodies or taking time to rest in stillness, this music is an excellent tool to aid in the process of relaxation.
Dean shares: “As the moments of bliss increase in direct relationship to the amount of time I set aside for relaxation and meditation, a formula is developing in my life to allow, indeed to encourage, more time to seek the infinite source of creation within myself. As I open up to creation’s miracle of life, the time set aside for the restoration of my personal energy becomes the cathedral of keeping my connection with the infinite open, vibrant and joyful. The energy is coming from within to meld with universal energy, blending into a satiated state of calm activity. Taking action when necessary is most adroitly handled when one is coming from the place of stillness deep inside, with action in a wash of love of all that brings out the best in all moments. Find the time to relax and love this life we have been given and you will find your true self.”
Leave a comment here and you will be entered in the Giveaway Drawing for the new CD!
Learn more about "Relaxation Zone" and listen to sample from the album here:
Dean Evenson is one of the true visionaries of the Ambient/New Age musical genre–a prolific musician and composer, an entrepreneur, media pioneer and the co-founder of Billboard-charting independent music label, Soundings of the Planet. You can learn more about him, his music and record label, as well as listen to music samples at Soundings.com.
"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction..."
~Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)
The first time I read this, words penned by the infamous English writer, Virginia Woolf, a chord of recognition struck in me. I knew that what she said was true, at least from my experience. As a writer, I did need a room of my own—physical space—so I could create without interruption. (She also advised having a lock on the door!) It seemed equally true that a woman writer might need to have a source of additional income, for, as you may know, most writers can’t live on what they earn from the craft. Ms. Woolf apparently lived off a stipend, an inheritance from her aunt. True for me, too, as I seem to earn the bulk of my living from teaching rather than writing.
And though Ms. Woolf offered this sage advice to women writers specifically— women in her day were not admitted to universities or libraries, much less accepted as writers—she speaks to all women everywhere about the importance of self-worth, self-reliance, and freedom.
A Room of Our Own
To me, the metaphor of having a room of one’s own means having space to create what our soul wishes to express. As busy women today, playing multiple roles in the home, workplace, and community, we don’t often get time and opportunity to be by ourselves. Never free, it seems, from the tugs and pull of families or office, we are tied to the needs and demands of others. We are “on call” all the time. Solitude eludes us.
Thinking back on this now (as I have the luxury of solitude, mid-life years, children gone from the nest), I recall times when the only room of my own was the bathroom. The “necessary room,” as my grandmother called it, was absolutely necessary to me. It provided sanity, a getaway space, as well as inner space to be me. The bathtub served as my privacy zone where I could think without interruption; a watery sanctuary to create and dream, even write in a drip-marked journal. The bathroom was my inspiration—and my salvation as a woman and as a writer.
Creating Space
I believe it is vital for women to have “room” in this way. We can physically create this space for ourselves, beginning with even a section of a room and making it our own: a cozy corner or a creative cupboard we can visit to access the deeper parts of ourselves. Or, if we are fortunate, an entire room (spare bedroom, office) to indulge our need for quiet or study or artistic expression. We women need a sense of place with our own things— mementos, pictures, and books, that which comforts and inspires us.
Equally important is emotional space. We may have to carve this out as well. We begin by being open with our loved ones about our growing need for privacy or alone time. We may have to learn to say no to the requests of others. We will need to establish the importance of our own values and expect others to respect them. When my children were young, and I was often escaping to the “necessary room,” one of them would inevitably knock on the door claiming urgency. I remember saying to him or her, “I am not to be bothered unless there is blood or fire.” The point was well taken, but it took resolve on my part.
The questions beg to be asked. Do you have a physical space where you can retire to be you? A place where you feel safe? Where you can rest when exhausted from the busyness of life? A place where you can listen to and express your inner voice?
And how are you doing with claiming your inner freedom, your independence from the demands of others? Are you able to speak what you need aloud and expect others to acknowledge it? Are you passionate, determined, to stay the course of your own blooming so you can become all that you are meant to be—especially if it means saying, “Not right now” to others and “Yes!” to yourself?
My hope is that if you are not yet completely able to affirm your need for “room,” for breathing and be-ing space for yourself, that you will begin today. Take a baby step in that direction. Make a tiny change; do one new thing for yourself.
And may you do so knowing that you are worth the time and energy it takes to be free, truly free; to be the unique expression of you that the world needs right now—now more than ever. May you always find room to grow …
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