Compassionate Companioning

by Under Cover Buddha Chick

 




I say Metta for her. Can she receive it? Skeptical, I wonder, what am I to do with Good Church Lady? It is more than apparent that she is not going to go away. I can’t go on like this! At the very least it’s time to call a truce. Viewing her dispassionately from the driver’s seat, I’m overcome with compassion. Coming out with a white flag of surrender, I find that Buddha Chick’s "Beads of Wisdom" reinforce this new feeling.

 (http://buddhachick.org/page/beads-of-wisdom)

There is no way to annihilate the ego, nor should we strive to. There is only one way to loosen its grip upon us, by tapping into the most powerful "virtue" of all—compassion. We can cultivate compassion for the ego because it is so insecure, rooted in fear; compassion for others because they are struggling with their egos just as we are; compassion for our self because in our humanity, we will fall prey to the ego again and again. It is inevitable that this will happen. The ego holds the blueprint for what it means to be a human being. We cannot exist in a body without it.

Mindfulness/awareness helps me notice when ego—in the form of Good Church Lady —is raising her red flags of fear and insecurity. Compassion for her helps me to let go of any self-negating feelings I may have about getting "caught" or tripped up again and again. Compassion invites me to love myself just as I am—to love Good Church Lady—then to aim higher so I can make the wisest of choices.

Compassion invites choices. Every step – oh, I hope they’re gentle steps - along this Buddha Chick Life path reminds me again and again that I have choices. Mindfulness helps me discern which direction to turn to as I continue the journey.

Sorting and sifting through these choices is a lot like weeding and planting seeds. Here is where I can tend the garden of my mind by taking a look at the weed thoughts that choke out the fruitful seed thoughts of Inner peace. A list of the choking weed thoughts that are evoked by Good Church Lady’s charges reveal:

• Fear
• Shame
• Negativity
• Control
• Competitiveness
• Impatience

Glancing at her in the rear view mirror, I wonder why I react and feel the way I do towards her. Compassion invites some fair questions - What fears are waiting to be uncovered and exposed? What old wounds are holding me back? If I were to weed out the above list, what seeds might I plant in their stead?

• Courage
• Honor
• Positivity
• Relinquishment
• Harmony
• Patience

If I am to link Good Church Lady’s learnings and experiences with my own, I need a better understanding and application of integration.

Here is my ahha moment - during a session of Holy Yoga (which is a Hatha Yoga practice), I have an epiphany! Hatha is the path of forceful yoga; a dynamic integration of opposing forces which involves a softening/disengagement + an engaging energy. Imagine my DELIGHT when a particular pose—Happy Baby—proves to me that it is indeed possible to integrate Good Church Lady with my Inner Buddha Chick!

Using this awareness as a stepping stone on this integrative journey, I ponder and trace the roots of Good Church Lady’s formation. I realize that Good Church Lady is both a reminder and a reaction to old wounds—inflicted, for the most part by other Christians—leaders in the church who had betrayed what and who was entrusted them and found to be liars and hypocrites. These persons, more than those who were upright and good in the church have impacted me by demonstrating how NOT to live.

Again, I say Metta for Good Church Lady:

May she be safe.

May she be strong.

May she be happy.

May she live with ease.

Good Church Lady receives this. Our eyes meet in the rearview mirror & she leans forward, gently whispering in my ear: Might you be able to say Metta for those Christians who have so deeply hurt you?

Gulp – do you really suggest that I bless those who have inflicted so many wounds?

OK – I’ll give it a try…

May he be safe.

May she be strong.
May he be happy.

May they live with ease.

I’m going to have to really practice this one, but, hey! Here’s a new formula for your consideration: Metta + mindfulness = magnanimity

I’m pleasantly surprised, humbled and grateful at this turn of events. It is as though boulders of bitterness and resentment have rolled off my shoulders. Simple mindfulness practices are bringing me to a place of being more fully present to the hidden places of my heart. The more I practice mindfulness the easier it is to suspend judgment or let go of critical thoughts—towards Good Church Lady and, to my amazement, towards those who have hurt me so profoundly in the past. I sincerely hope that from here on out, Good Church Lady and I can be patient, compassionate companions for this Buddha Chick journey. We need each other.

May we be safe.

May we be strong.

May we be happy.

May we live with ease.

May this be so for all beings.


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Undercover Buddha Chick is a woman who longs to live more and more out of her true self – to live authentically. To live simply. To live without fear – or, at least, to be courageous in the face of fear. To live with an open heart. To be more mindful - as one who has eyes to see and ears to hear what’s really going on within herself. One who dares to lay down pre-conceived notions, prejudices and judgments.

She’s someone who longs for authentic community – who longs to engage in conversation without manipulation or pretense. She longs to come out of the shadows and live clear, calm and wise. In short, she wants to be a better human being.

 

Metta In Distracting Spaces:
External and Internal

by Laura Hegfield

 








Sometimes when you are quite ill, and truly need to feel safe, strong, contended and easy of body and mind the most to aid your healing, you may find yourself in a deeply distracting environment, such as a hospital. This has been my situation recently. I would hear medical personnel or visitors walking past engaged in surprisingly loud conversations, beeps and buzzes from the IV pump and other machinery in my room, other patient’s call bells pinging at random hours throughout the day and night down the hall, even the persistent ticking of the clock on the wall seamed louder than normal in the relative quiet of the long night hours. I often found myself waking up in those wee hours with an exhausted wish to go back to sleep, or a round of anxious thoughts vying for my attention making rest a seemingly distant dream. What to do?

Metta! This is how I addressed the anxiety during my stay whether in the middle of the night, predawn or in the midst of endless tests. I sent metta toward myself, spiritual teachers whose wisdom and compassion has supported my journey whether they know me personally or not. I sent metta to my loved ones at home, family and friends far away, toward all of the kind people who were caring for me physically at the hospital. I sent metta to all of the other patients in the hospital and to the people in their lives who are frightened for the wellbeing of their beloveds. I sent lovingkindness to all beings everywhere for there is not a sentient being who does not or has not experienced fear or illness from time to time. I inclined my heart back toward my own self and found that while I had watched my mind flit from emotion to emotion throughout the process, fine threads entangling my “mind-web,” it would graciously return to the object of my prayer for a while, reactively spinning away in some other direction again as minds do, and then back to the heart of my metta prayers.

And then, I realized I was awake, for I had drifted into a pleasant sleep. As I am a metta and mindfulness practitioner, let me say that it is definitely ok to fall asleep when meditating, especially while in bed! Feeling safer, happier, emotionally strengthened and general ease in my body and mind, I was able to truly rest in the soft sound of my own breath aided by an oxygen tube, the ticking of the clock, the voices of people in the hall, carts rolling by, doors opening and closing; all the ambient sounds returned, but they did not feel quite so intrusive or distracting; just part of the “cradle” that was holding me. And guess what? Gratitude ensued as a smile spread from my heart to my lips and the corners of my eyes each time I repeated this beautiful practice.

May you feel safe.

May you feel contented.

May you feel strong.

May you live with ease as you heal in whatever way you need to in this one precious moment.

May it be so for all beings.

Gentle steps,

Laura

*An alternate practice could have been to choose any one of the ambient sounds as my object of meditation, or certainly my breath, but at this time I felt that lovingkindness was the balm to soothe my discomfort. Play with this, see what works for you and be open to the possibility that the “right remedy” may shift depending on the moment unfolding.

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Laura Hegfield is a mother, wife, visual artist, writer, singer-songwriter and experiential educator combining art, yoga, meditation and Jewish spirituality. She is also a Creativity Coach, SoulCollage®  facilitator and Spiritual Director. Throughout the past 11 years of child rearing, teaching, facilitating and eventually coaching and spiritual direction, she has also been ill with a wide variety of symptoms receiving several different diagnoses. On September 3, 2009 after an emergency room visit, she was finally diagnosed with RRMS (relapsing remitting ms). While no longer able to work outside her home, she continues to be engaged in the world through blogging regularly and offering individual services via the Internet and phone conferencing. As challenging as living with a chronic, disabling disease is she feels that in many ways, MS has expanded her heart, mind, soul and appreciation for all the things her body IS able to do.  “It seems that as the neural connections in my central nervous system decrease, my compassion toward my own lived experience and toward all beings increases. For this I am deeply grateful.”

Kaveri Patel loves to write. When she isn't writing, she enjoys meditation, yoga, mothering, nature, singing, family medicine, and spending time with her beautiful family. She won third place in the 2011 international Spirit First poetry contest for her poem "Forgiveness."

Flower Your True Being
by Cindy Hively, Columnist


Mindfulness is the root of all the methods that tame the mind. First it focuses the mind. Then it eases the mind. Finally it is the luminous nature, beyond thoughts.
~Paul Rinpoche

How does one tame the mind? For me it started with meditation and especially with Metta Meditation. When meditating you bring the mind home and release and relax through the breath. I learned this powerful practice when I became a Buddha Chick.

Two years ago when I was diagnosed with Lupus and Fibromyalgia, I came across the website of BuddhaChick.org. The practice of being mindful and Metta meditation along with self-compassion were the fundamentals that lead me to my path of healing and discovery. The practice of mindfulness unveils and reveals your essential Good Heart, because it dissolves and removes the unkindness chatter or the harm in you. Only when you have removed the harm in yourself through self compassion do you become truly able to reveal your truth to yourself. removing the unkindness and harm from yourself, you allow your true Good Heart, the fundamental goodness and kindness that are your real nature, to shine out and become the warm climate in which your true being flowers.

The practice of mindfulness through meditation defuses our negativity, aggression, and turbulent emotions, which may have been gathering power over many life situations. I would say this has been my most powering lesson with practicing mindfulness. Rather than suppressing emotions or indulging in them, here it is important to view them, but in the right way, your thoughts and whatever arises view with an acceptance and generosity that are as open and spacious as possible. We do this with loving kindness and self compassion. This takes time, patience and practice to reach this level of mindfulness in meditation. You soon will learn as I did, this becomes a essential part of your everyday life and it is beautiful and becomes part of your nature. Gradually, as you remain open and mindful, and use a technique such as Metta to focus your mind more and more, your negativity will slowly be defused; you begin to feel well in your own skin. From this comes release and a profound ease. I think of this practice as the most effective form of therapy and self-healing. When dis-ease rises within me, whether it is from pain or my mind being unkind I immediately go to Metta. It immediately puts me at ease and I am at home again within my body.

Mindfulness for me, is not thinking about, it is being present and actually knowing in the moment without any mental chatter. If chatter begins to happen, we simply ignore it and return to being present in the moment. Think about this. There are so many things happening in our lives that we never really experience. We experience only ideas, interpretations, and comparisons. We have thoughts of things we want to do and have not done them yet. We dwell on things that happened in the past or anticipate anxiously future events. With suffering through chronic illness this is part of healing. I had to accept these ideas as mind chatter and recognize them and move on. As a Buddha Chick Practicing mindfulness through meditation with self compassion can change our mind to calmness, this calmness leads to clarity, then this clarity leads to wisdom. This is what being a Buddha Chick is all about and this makes me very happy. Tibetan masters say that this wise generosity, “mindfulness,” has the flavor of boundless space, so warm and cozy that you feel enveloped and protected by it, as if by a blanket of sunlight.

A Metta Meditation For You

May you feel safe

May you feel strong and healthy

May you feel Happy

May you live your life with ease.


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Cindy Hively calls the Roanoke Valley in Virginia her home. She is surrounded by beautiful mountains that inspire and heal her everyday. Having worked twenty five years in the retail industry, she moved up quickly and loved her career, but had to quit work due to chronic illness. She is on a healing journey through Metta meditation, mindfulness practices and self compassion.