What I Didn’t Expect When I Was Expecting

Jennifer Niedzielski




WHAT I NEVER EXPECTED

I can admit it … now. I was completely unprepared to have a child. Ironically, I thought  I was ready. With highlighters and sticky notes in hand, I devoured every pregnancy book I could get my hands on, I attended each Lamaze class with the eagerness of a slightly irritating over-achieving student, and baby’s nursery was picture perfect, stocked and ready months before B-day. By all accounts, I knew what to expect while expecting. Then I gave birth. And that’s when I realized there was one thing I didn’t expect after expecting-- what it would feel like to have my heart opened as wide as the Grand Canyon.

My mind may have been ready to have a child, by my heart  was completely unprepared for the amazing journey of openness and expansion it had just been catapulted upon. Mothering and living our lives with our hearts open wide is a courageous endeavor. For when our hearts are open, we become vulnerable and expose ourselves to feeling everything! The upside is experiencing emotions like love, joy, and appreciation on a level that’s so intense there are no words to describe it. The downside-- feeling equally intense emotions of fear, worry, and anxiety on a level that can paralyze us and serve to close our hearts one stressful thought at time. But like everything worth doing in life, living with an open heart means we must take the good with the bad, learning how to transmute the “bad” into experiences that work to open our hearts rather than close them off completely. For the payoff is worth the risk. When we live our lives and mother with our hearts wide open, we embody “Buddha Nature,” believing in our infinite capability and allowing boundless wisdom and immeasurable loving-kindness and compassion to flow from our hearts into the hearts of those around us.  

MORE THAN A FEELING

No books, no classes, no veteran motherly advice can prepare a new mom for the unexplainable metamorphosis of her heart upon having a child. I’ll forever remember with vivid detail the moment I first experienced this transformation. It was a couple hours after giving birth and numerous attempts to nail nursing down when I was very much looking forward to a nice long, hot shower. I gently placed my newborn baby in her bassinette and moved at a glacial pace to the bathroom a couple feet away. I was in there less than a minute when I heard her cries from outside the door. Sure, I had just given birth, so high level of hormones were coursing throughout my body, but I’ll never forget the raw, powerful, and primordial urge that overcame me to rush to her side. Her cries instantly initiated a tidal wave of uncontrollable tears and intense emotions within me. Her tears became my tears. The fact that she was no longer an actual part of me didn’t matter. My body, my heart, my soul was forever intertwined with hers, so what she felt, I felt. That’s the part I was not prepared for!

Fast forward three kids later, and my heart has tripled in size. As a result of this grand expansion, I feel everything on a much deeper level. When I live my life and mother with an open heart, I am able to notice subtle moments of beauty, tenderness, and compassion all around me. Simple moments like watching my husband read bedtime stories to my girls makes my heart swell with indescribable love and appreciation.  For these moments I am grateful because they inspire me to keep my heart open. What’s not as easy is to keep my heart open in the evitable moments of struggle in life. But the challenges, the times of feeling lost and unhappy can be great heart openers, too, if I allow them to be. It’s often at times like these that we want to shut down and close our hearts in order to avoid feeling the pain. But, living life with an open heart is all about feeling-- feeling it all. It’s during these times I find that my practice of mindfulness, being present for myself and just witnessing my emotions, helps me to open my heart even when all I want to do is close up shop. When my heart is open, I’m present and observant of my negative thoughts and emotions, and this witnessing allows them to pass right through me. It isn’t always easy. It’s difficult to not get caught in my fears for my children, perfectionist tendencies towards myself, and over-reacting to inconsequential occurrences like the kitchen being a disaster 30 minutes after I just cleaned it. But open my heart in these instances I must. Otherwise, my over-reaction to the situation serves to perpetuate the negative feelings I am trying so desperately to avoid.

LIVING BUDDHA NATURE

“The ultimate goal of opening our hearts and minds is to free all living creatures from their patterns so they can experience openness, oneness, and wisdom that is the essence of their being.”  ~Tsoknyi Rinpoche

I truly believe that the purpose of life is to open our hearts. For when we live our lives with our hearts wide open, we are able to embody “Buddha Nature”:  Boundless wisdom, infinite capability, and immeasurable loving kindness and compassion (Open Heart, Open Mind, Tsoknyi Rinpoche). When my heart is open, and I am able to know exactly what my child (any myself for that matter) needs, I display boundless wisdom. When my heart is open and I freely give what needs to be given and do what needs to be done, I display infinite capability. When my heart is open and I am able to remain centered and calm in the face of challenging times or my child’s strong emotions, I exhibit immeasurable loving- kindness and compassion. Living and mothering with an open heart feels amazing. But the best part, the part I didn’t expect, was how keeping my heart open allows me to guide my daughters on their journey to opening their hearts so they’ll be able to experience openness, oneness, and the divine wisdom that is the essence of their being. 

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Jennifer Niedzielski is a teacher, writer, mother of three young daughters, and the co-founder of Mindful Moms Network™. After teaching in the traditional classroom setting for over 12 years, she is transcending classroom walls to inspire and teach women how to reclaim their calm and take exquisite care of their mind, body, and inner-selves amidst the chaos of mothering. Through Mindful Moms, it is her intention to create a nurturing and supportive community that encourages moms to mother in the moment, celebrate themselves, and live life on purpose.

Visit us at Mindful Moms Network.com: http://mindfulmomsnetwork.com/index.html & our Facebook page:                  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1275432069#!/MindfulMoms

From Motherhood To Buddhahood?

Kelly Bird





I first became a mother when I was barely old enough to take care of myself; nineteen, in the middle of an ill-considered marriage to my first boyfriend, with no idea about what I wanted to do with myself and my life – other than getting divorced as quickly as humanly possible. I had no spiritual practice at this point, having renounced my familys’ Catholicism at fourteen.

Motherhood then, became my practice. Sleepless nights and chaotic mornings taught me the necessity of a basic routine; snatched moments to myself taught me gratitude for the simple things; impending single parenthood taught me courage. The face of my baby son taught me unconditional love. Later, two miscarriages in quick succession taught me about loss.

Somewhere along the line in the last eleven years I also had a beautiful little girl and became a practicing Buddhist. I’m still waiting for this to confer on me the serenely smiling countenance of the bodhisattva, of the Holy Mother radiating with compassion. I’m more like a fierce mama bear, snarling at her cubs one minute, protecting them the next. My life has certainly become no less chaotic, though I live in hope that I will one day achieve an inner calm that can stand firm in the face of grazed knees, school ground politics and sugar overload.

Ultimately, being a mother has enabled me to laugh at myself. My kids have taught me so much about living in the moment, owning my emotions, facing fears, and most amazingly, seeing the world through the eyes of a small child, who still believes it is a magical place.

This, perhaps, is enough.

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Image: 
"sweet heart"  by Chidi Okoye giclee on paper
http://www.modernartimages.com/expressionsofmotherhood6.htm

Kelly Bird: I'm a 31 year old English teacher, practicing Buddhist and aspiring writer. I'm divorced single parent of two adorable children who run me ragged, and also landlady to two white mice, three ginger cats, a german shepherd and a rescued bird with one wing. I live in Amber Valley in the Derbyshire Dales, England, where the beautiful landscape constantly inspires me.

 

The Spiritual Perspective of the Work of Motherhood

 Jennifer Niedzielski

 



“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” (Wayne W. Dyer)

For the past 5 years, I’ve been on the most profoundly transformational spiritual journey of my life-- motherhood. Unlike any other endeavor, the work of mothering has deepened my sense of self and brought me closer to understanding exactly who I am, what energizes and depletes me, and what I aspire to become. Okay, on a good day, this is how I view it. On a not-so-good day, it goes a little something like this: For the past 5 years I’ve been sacrificing my mind, time, sanity, body, and career to meet the unending needs of three small children. Unlike any other endeavor in my life, the unrelenting work of mothering has caused me, more times than I’d like to admit, to totally neglect myself, leaving me to feel disconnected and detached from the woman I was before having children.

Have you ever noticed how there is always more than one way to see something? And as I see it (pun intended), how we choose to see something makes all the difference in what we actually see. Now, any way we look at it, motherhood is work; hard work. But how we see the work-- as either strengthening or depleting us-- makes a huge difference in whether this work serves to deepen our connection to or completely disconnect us from our journey to ourselves.

The truth is, transformation is never easy. I’ve finally started to accept that it isn’t designed to be. As mothers, our spiritual journey can be profoundly enriched if we abandon our attempt to strive to perfect mothering, and in turn simply shift our perspective of the failures, challenges, and stresses that are fundamentally part of our work.

One Perspective

I often forget that in becoming a mother, I have not chosen to give up my life but rather evolve it. It’s easy to forget. The challenges of mothering come fast and furious. When you’re in the thick taming a tantrum or simply trying to keep the daily routine running, it’s natural to think that motherhood “shouldn’t” be this hard. It’s tempting to think that you’ve been given more than you can realistically handle. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve looked to the sky and contended, “You’ve got the wrong girl. No, seriously. I’m not capable of handling this.”

Every time I get into this negative frame of mind, I halt my spiritual growth. Every time I curse my challenges and my failures, I become mindless. In this mindless state, my anger, resentment, and anxiety always serve to keep me feeling lost and disconnected from myself.

A New Perspective


“What you think is working against you is actually working for you.” (Bishop Jakes)

Perspective is everything. Perspective is so important in mothering because how you choose to see motherhood, your life circumstances, your children, and most importantly yourself, makes all the difference in how you experience these things. If we intentionally “see” the challenges of motherhood for what they are, awesome opportunities to dig a little deeper, explore a little more, and let go of this or that, then motherhood becomes a spiritual journey where every challenge, every struggle refines and helps to define who we really are.

Sounds simple, right? Well, the concept is beautifully simplistic, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. If the work of mothering is going to serve to bring out the best versions of our most awesome selves, we’ve got to cultivate the mental capacity to step back from a stressful or upsetting situation and see it from another angle. This takes practice. Lots of practice. If you’re in need of a little shift in perspective yourself, try these strategies for starters:

1) Practice Non-Reaction:  The next time your child is whining, just hear. Don’t react. The next time you walk into your child’s room, and it looks like a bomb went off, just see. Don’t react. Practice watching your thoughts and habitual reactions to these stressful mothering moments. Just watch, witness, and notice what’s going on inside your head and body. Don’t react.

2) Drop In on Yourself: Make a commitment to check in with yourself several times a day (okay, at least once). While you are in the midst of your morning primping routine, eating your lunch, or right after you slip into your warm, cozy bed at night, turn your attention inward and witness how you are feeling. What’s going on with your body? What’s swirling around in your head? What do you need? Just observe.

3) Practice Yoga: There is something truly powerful about connecting your breath with the movement of your body. Creating a rhythm between your breath and your body stimulates a relaxation response in your brain. When relaxed, you are naturally better at seeing things clearly and from different perspectives. The practice of yoga strengthens your resiliency to life’s challenges. The clarity and calm you achieve in your yoga practice empowers you to handle the ups and downs of motherhood with grace and centeredness.

Each of these techniques provides you with an opportunity to practice getting out of your head and into the moment seeing from a different point of view. Every time we practice stepping back and observing, or seeing the bigger picture, we get better at doing it. The better we get at it, the better we get at seeing the divine purpose of the struggles and challenges in our lives. It’s easy to forget what we think is working against us in our mothering is actually working for us. Gaining a new perspective of the struggles and strife of motherhood shifts our energy, changes our mood, and almost instantaneously, puts us right back on the path to discovering the essence of our being.

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Jennifer Niedzielski is a teacher, writer, mother of three young daughters, and the co-founder of Mindful Moms Network™. After teaching in the traditional classroom setting for over 12 years, she is transcending classroom walls to inspire and teach women how to reclaim their calm and take exquisite care of their mind, body, and inner-selves amidst the chaos of mothering. Through Mindful Moms, it is her intention to create a nurturing and supportive community that encourages moms to mother in the moment, celebrate themselves, and live life on purpose.

Visit us at Mindful Moms Network.com: http://mindfulmomsnetwork.com/index.html & our Facebook page:                  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1275432069#!/MindfulMoms

No one prepared me how to parent a teenager. Despite the fact that I am an educator by training, even having taught high school for ten years, I was shocked and perplexed when my innocent babes turned into know-it-all teens. In the blink of any eye, they went from ‘Yes, Mom,’ to ‘No way!’; from happy-go-lucky kids to angst-ridden adolescents. It was as if I’d been happily slumbering and suddenly awoke to strangers at my breakfast table. They looked different, spoke a distinct language, and did weird things like roll their eyes or heave a big sigh when I made a request. I couldn’t help but wonder who’d abducted my sweet children and put aliens in their place!

In hindsight, I’m not sure how I survived the teen years with my first two children at all. I spent more sleepless nights than I’d like to recall, worrying about where they were and what they were doing. Despite tumultuous times, we endured and, thankfully, today, we are the best of friends. So what did I perhaps do right? I’m not sure I did any one thing except to just plain love them. It seems, in our case, love was enough.

Today, I am just on the other side of parenting a teen. She's 22 now, a beautiful soul who came into being a bit late in life (I was 38 when she was born). I can truthfully say I am a much better parent now, more calm, more self-assured, than I was with my son and oldest daughter.  I am truly enjoying my relationship with her, which gives me pause to reflect upon what I did differently this time around. I’ve chosen a few of the more important parenting insights I’ve gleaned over the years to share with you here.

It’s Not Up to You to Solve All Their Problems 

It’s alright to let our children figure out solutions to their own perplexing situations. In fact, that’s one of the best things we can do for them - let go of the reins enough so they can find their own way. If we can gently offer what we’ve learned from life experience, then step to the side, we allow them to grow into their own choices. Preparing for adulthood in this way can be a co-creative process. As parents, we don’t dictate, but support; we can cheerlead, even offer refuge when it’s needed. It’s important for teens to learn their own lessons, even when they’re difficult.

I recall the time my oldest daughter was invited to a party and she was feeling enormous peer pressure to attend. She knew there would be drinking there (amongst other behaviors) and her conscience said, ‘Don’t go,’ but she couldn’t garner the courage to say no to these particular friends. “Can I use you for an excuse” she asked, “and tell them I can’t come because you’re not allowing me to?” Of course, I said yes, and was secretly thrilled that she had involved me in the decision making process. We were parenting co-creatively and it kept our communication open and honest.

Teens Needs Space to Breathe and “Be"

It's true, the pressures on our teens today are great and much different than when we were their age. They experience the lure of substance abuse and sexuality (and how to make choices about both) at a much earlier age than we did. Also, because many families need to have two incomes to survive, children have taken on adult roles earlier in life, including caretaking siblings, cooking their own meals, or doing their own laundry. They must balance this with school work, extracurricular activities, even a job of their own when family finances are an issue. Not to mention the pressure to achieve and be excellent at whatever they undertake.

All this can feel like “too much,” as my daughter often reminds me, a good indicator to me that she needs time and space to just “chill.” Time to be a kid again, time to do nothing, time to let go of all the responsibilities, subtle and overt, that weigh upon her. As caring parents, we can exhibit compassion for the stressors our children feel and support their need to “just be.”

Even If They’re On an Emotional Roller Coaster, You Don’t Have to Be 

We all know teens are a hormonal, emotional bundle of nerves as their bodies and minds grow into new versions of themselves. If we are a messy bundle of nerves ourselves, chances are they will be too. It’s desirable, as their parents, that we “retain our center,” operating as much as possible from a place of calm. Of course, our degree of personal calm is directly related to any number of things we may be experiencing - ill health, emotional stress, or difficulties at work. Despite our life circumstances, if we can cultivate inner calm in ourselves, we’ll help our teen do likewise. We can provide a good role model for how to ride the roller coaster of life. Breathe, listen deeply, approach things slowly, and encourage them to do the same. By being a port in the storm when our teen veers into relationship troubles or pressures at school, then we all stand to come through the maelstrom in much better shape. Do whatever you need to do to stay in your center. Taking good care of you will help you take good care of them emotionally.

Perhaps, my greatest parenting awareness is how crucial it is to remain focused on the bigger picture of what these years are all about. It’s about growth—theirs and ours. There are lessons for all of us to learn here. I’m also more aware of how quickly time passes and that these special years with our teens will soon be gone. They’ll be on to bigger things, off to new horizons, so let’s savor our time together while we can. After parenting three teens myself, I’ve come to learn that it is an honor to do so and, lesson by bittersweet lesson, bear witness to their unique unfolding ... and to my own as well.

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Jan Lundy is the Editor-in-Chief of "Buddha Chick Life." You can learn more about her at her website, JanLundy.com

Letting Them Be Kids

Jan Lundy






“Parents can help create safe but unstructured time, time with  nothing to do, but with adventuresome space to do it in, for their kids.” ~ Dr. David Kundtz

With busy lifestyles that keep us hustling from one place to another and technology that keeps our minds just as stimulated, we may find ourselves experiencing a sense of overwhelm on a daily basis. It is not only adults who feel this pressure but children too. Their schedules may have lost the naive simplicity of days gone by when the main task of the day was not a task at all, but simply to play. We seem to have an intense desire, however subconscious, that our children should be as occupied and productive as we strive to be. As a result, our children are enrolled, scheduled, and lined up for activities Monday through Saturday.

A brief peek into a friend's day planner confirmed this. Her three children, ages 7-12, were some of the busiest I had seen: soccer, piano, CCD classes, dance, karate, swimming, play time at the local YMCA. It was all enough to make me dizzy. Just to keep up with their children's schedules was a full-time occupation for Mary and her husband. I was amazed they weren't exhausted. Well, maybe they were, but hiding it very well.

When my own children were younger and the pressure to enroll them in every wonderful opportunity that presented itself came up, out of pure selfishness (I just didn't want to be that busy!) I limited their extracurricular activities. And yet, I also was sensitive to my children's own sense of limitation (they didn't want to be that busy!) I recall a time when my oldest daughter who loved taking the latest class was reclining on the couch and moaning that she didn't want to get dressed and go out again. "I just want to relax and stay home, Mom," was her response. We were all beginning to feel a bit edgy about our commitments, a bit too over scheduled, and in that moment, I decided that each of my children would only choose one extracurricular hobby, sport, or class. When I announced this decision, they cheered. It seems I had pulled in the reigns on a fast-moving cart of activity that everyone sensed was veering out of control.

My children needed quiet time. They needed space to just "Be." And so did I.

I wonder, today, how much any of us are allowing our children to just be kids? How much are we falling prey to our cultural norm of "busyness is productiveness" and passing this message on to our children? Busy parents seem to perpetuate busyness in their children. Is this what we truly want for our little ones?

If we succumb to it, this sense of busyness can cause tremendous overwhelm and take its toll on everyone in the family. Exhaustion can set in. Tempers can flare. Sibling relationships may become testy and argumentative in nature. The dynamics of the entire family can shift and move into a general state of tension. It is up to us as parents to spot and act on any signs of weariness and stress from overly busy children.

What can we do besides slow down the pace of our lives and say no to the tendency to over schedule? Dr. David Kundtz shares, in his profoundly insightful book, Stopping: How to Be Still When You Have to Keep Going, "More than anything, we adults can help by creating times, places, and opportunities for Stopping for the young people in our lives. Help them to notice the pauses between their notes and the value of them."

I recently spoke with a family who is acting on this suggestion in a unique way. Besides realizing that they were far too busy for their tastes and acknowledging a desire to return to a simpler way of life, they carved out a special space in their home for Stopping. They call it the Quiet Room. It is an extra little room in their home that has been decorated with peace and tranquility in mind. When a family member is feeling particularly overwhelmed, out of sorts, or just plain cranky, they can go into this sacred space and lie on a comfy futon, listen to music, read or just daydream their cares away. Pleasant scents from candles are present, as well as framed photos of all their family members engaged in happy pursuits. This simplistic little room offers a quiet oasis from the cacophony of daily life.

Using such a space is quite different than utilizing a child's bedroom for the same purpose. Distractions may abound there or even tasks like homework or room straightening can beckon, luring them away from the need to unwind. A special room dedicated to inner peace that anyone in the family can go to sets a unique intention within the family that these qualities are important. It is OK to just "Be" or to breathe. It sends the message that it is desirable to spent time in tranquility.

By far the best thing we can do for our children is to model ease-filled behavior. We truly areour children's greatest teachers and they will unconsciously take on our patterns of behavior. A tendency to over schedule and be extremely busy is no exception. As we become more aware of our own need to rest and rejuvenate, to live simplistically and peacefully and making the necessary lifestyle changes to do so, our children can follow suit. An unknown wise one once said, "If you are what you do, when you don't you aren't." May we compassionately show our children through our own choices the importance of living life at a pace that nurtures and supports us on our journey to total well being.

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Jan Lundy is the editor of "Buddha Chick Life." She is passionate about supporting women on their life journeys. Whether it is through online or in-person workshops or retreats, as an Interfaith Spiritual Director in private practice, or writing, her dedication to the spiritual journey is evident. She is the author of four personal/spiritual growth books for women, her newest being, Your Truest Self: Embracing the Woman You Are Meant to Be (Sorin Books). For 15 years, Jan was a nationally syndicated columnist for Women's LifeStyle magazine. She is a student of Vipassana and a teacher of Metta. She calls the peace-filled shores of Lake Michigan home. Her website is JanLundy.com. You may enjoy subscribing to her daily "Beads of Wisdom." She is currently working on a new "daily" book for women based on these thoughts, focused on how to live mindfully, with compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves and all beings. You may enjoy connecting with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/awakenedlivingwithjan

The Mindful Mama Way
Raising Yourself and Your Kids

 Jennifer Niedzielski







"As much as motherhood has awakened a stronger and more loving spirit in me, it has opened my eyes to areas in which I am weak.” (MomSense, Blackmer).

Yep. I second that! I’ve noticed this is the inherent duality of mothering-- we become better versions of ourselves when we become mothers, but in the process, we have to come face-to-face with our limitations and weaknesses for this growth to occur. The challenges of motherhood provide us with multiple opportunities every day to raise ourselves as we raise our kids. As a mother to a 4 year old and twin 3 year olds, I know raising kids is difficult, time-consuming, and messy…but totally worth it. Well, the same holds true for raising myself; it’s difficult, time-consuming, and messy…but totally worth it!

The Mindful Mama Way

The good news is motherhood provides us with the necessary challenges to evolve and grow into more of who we truly are if we are present in these moments. Aligning our lives with our unique inner-Truth is the first step to loving our lives! When you live a life aligned with your Truth, you are vibrant, joyful, and content. Mothering from this place is magical.

Motherhood can bring you closer to your Truth if you make yourself and your spiritual development a priority. I call it the “Mindful Mama” way. A Mindful Mama is aware that she controls her thinking and not the other way around. This awareness allows her to stop worrisome and stressful thoughts in their tracks and this grants her the ability to choose a new perspective and positive flow of thinking when necessary. She has the ability to stay rooted in the present moment with her kids no matter what is happening because she keeps her thoughts in check, thus she creates clarity in her heart and her mind.

A Mindful Mama is intentional. Being intentional about her spiritual growth, she sets aside time (everyday) to re-connect with her inner-wisdom and creativity. A Mindful Mama knows that in order to give love and acceptance to her children, she must first receive love and acceptance from herself. Thus, she is intentional about making time for a relationship with herself. A Mindful Mama makes her personal development a priority because she is aware that when she becomes the best version of herself, she shows up differently to her life and her kids.

4 Tips for Raising Yourself as You Raise Your Kids

 1. Set aside 15 minutes every day to just “be” with yourself: Do anything that brings you peace, happiness, and makes you FEEL good.

2. Decide what you want in life then visualize it often: Become crystal clear about your vision for your greatest life! Visualize it daily in your mind’s eye and/ or create a vision board.

3. Repeat Mindful Mama mantras to make positive thinking a habit of thought: “I am peace. I breathe peace into this moment,” ”Regardless of what my past looks like, I can change in this moment,” “I trust this moment for what it is meant to teach me.”

4. Banish perfectionism and guilt from your thinking: These thoughts always take you further away from living your Truth.

When you raise yourself while you raise your kids, you deepen the connection you have with yourself. For the depth of your connectedness with your kids, your mothering, and your life is determined by the strength of your connection with yourself. When we mother with awareness and intention we ground ourselves in the present moment, and we create awesome opportunities to celebrate ourselves and live our lives on purpose!

Jennifer Niedzielski is a teacher, writer, mother of three young daughters, and the co-founder of Mindful Moms Network™. After teaching in the traditional classroom setting for over 12 years, she is transcending classroom walls to inspire and teach women how to reclaim their calm and take exquisite care of their mind, body, and inner-selves amidst the chaos of mothering. Through Mindful Moms, it is her intention to create a nurturing and supportive community for moms that encourages Inward Development through the Art of Mothering.

To find out more about how to be a mindful mama, please visit Mindful Moms Network™ Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1275432069#!/MindfulMoms

and Mindful Moms Network™ blog, Intentionally Inspiring Mamas:
http://www.intentionallyinspiringmamas.com/

Laura is a lover of life with an artist’s soul, living on the edge of the woods in New Hampshire, USA. No longer able to work outside her home as a teacher due to Multiple Sclerosis, she stays engaged with the world, sharing her poetry, prose, essays, photography and a meditation tele-circle with podcasts on her blog, Shine the Divine: Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice. She also offers private Spiritual Direction, Creativity Coaching and Lev b'Lev SoulCollage® through her website, www.shinethedivine.com. Several of Laura's poem's will be included in a soon to be released anthology titled Beyond the Dark Room. Her work focuses on the strength and beauty found in fragility, recognizing that the words “broken” and “whole” are not in conflict. Laura emphasizes gratitude for ordinary sacred moments continuously revealed through the eyes of her heart.

Buddha Babies: 

Mindful, Not Perfect

Danielle Rutledge






What does it mean to be a mindful parent in today’s world?  We are all mindful/conscious to some degree.  And I’m assuming most of us definitely have a mind full to the brim of to do’s, not to do’s, wants, needs, etc. for yourself and every member in your family.   

As mothers we will make the important decisions on how our child/children are cared for mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.   We will put safety plugs in outlets, lock the cabinets and block off the stairs.  We will surround them with people who love and care for our children.  We will read, research and decide on how to raise them, doctor them, love them and teach them.  We will decide who and what they believe in.  We will spend our days catering our life to their every move from Day One.  Our cups spill over with responsibilities and opportunities to be mindful.  We will make good decisions and “bad” decisions.  We will have amazing moments and good moments.  We will witness the miracle that is God every time we look in our child’s eyes or we can ignore it.  Life is perfectly imperfect, like it or not.  

For me, mindful parenting means breathing in my blessings during the difficult moments and choosing to do better.  My imperfections as a person and mother are unavoidable.  Mistakes will be and have been made.   I choose what feels good and nurture it.  I choose what feels “bad” and nurture it until it feels good.  Knowledge is power.  When in doubt or feeling down, I go to my trusted websites, books, and people who help me grow towards the good.  I know what path I want to be on as a human and mother.  However, I tend to fall short of my own expectations enough to know that I am still growing.   Rather than beating myself up and feeling helpless I look up, in and out, for what will help me to achieve better, healthier, and more love in the moments to follow.   

To be mindful is not to be perfect; it is not to know the answer to every question, and it does not know the solution to every problem.  Being mindful is noticing the imperfections and striving for progress not perfection.  It is to notice the imperfections, not giving them the attention they need to grow, and, instead, noticing the miracles in the imperfect moments—not letting their presence steal the spotlight.   It is to know better so you may do better.  

Being mindful is knowing you have choices that will take you to those magical moments, when even though your children are having a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store, you still realize that all is amazing and well.  Being mindful will allow you to know that the choice in how you feel and react in every moment is what creates the very moment and not the circumstances surrounding the situation, event or person.  Being mindful is knowing better, doing better and taking a stand for the better.  Being mindful is making choices to feel love, exude love and breathe love into all of the life around you a little more each day.  Being mindful is using your knowledge, resources, and love to overcome, persevere, grow, and decide on what will allow you to feel peace, calm, love and joy in your days.  

One small decision at a time we are creating our days.  We can be human and make mistakes, and we can decide to acknowledge the mistakes, shed light on them and move forward in love, with love, because of love, and for love.  Because as they say, (the Beatles that is,) "All We Need is LOVE."
  

Ooopsie Daisy Mazy.
Ooopsie Daisy Mazy
Is a healthy and happy baby
With a side of messy and crazy.
Her goo goo gagas, shrieks and shrills
Oh how they give me the chills
Not to mention all that she touches is dumped, dropped and spilled.

Sweet potatoes in her hair
Her crumbly path she leaves on the floors, couches and chairs
Slimy surprises in every nook and cranny
Ruling the house with her naked fanny
She’s whimsy and wobbly
And I will guess that she’ll probably
Have a melt down or two before the day is through.
    
Behind every ooopsie daisy, is a sweet and perfect little girl named Mazy.
She’ll give you no chances to be lazy
Plenty of moments of crazy
and many reasons to stop and smell the daisies.

Life is entertaining, amazing and interesting
Life is fun, fast, new and exciting
And at times may even be a bit frightening
But love is oh so mighty
And it can surely clean, cleanse and tidy
The stickiest, ickiest, ooiest, gooiest, muckiest, and yuckiest situations that arise daily and nightly.

Oh miss Mazy you crazy little Daisy
Thank you for helping us to see the love in your messes.
Sticky fingers, hands, clothes and tresses
Boogers, fits, trips, and spills
Hugs and kisses if you will
Because in the end all I’ll remember is how you made me feel.

Each time I see your sloppy and smiling face
I am reminded of God’s grace
I am reminded to replace my thoughts of lack and distaste
With gratitude and the pure love that I hold for you in my heart space.

Throw away the hurry and haste
Throw away the worry in our days
We haven’t a moment to waste
We have love to create, butterflies to chase and smiles to give away.

I’ll follow you Miss Mazy
Knowing it may get a little hazy and crazy
But that’s o.k. my sweet  baby
I’ll trip, fall, and make messes by your side
There’s nowhere else I’d rather spend my life.


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Danielle, in her own words: I am a young woman seeking out ways to help and heal my life.  I am releasing my fears and worries to enlighten and lift my being in order to better myself, my children and the world around me.  I am learning to be responsible for my energy and my contribution.  I live in tiny town in the middle of Illinois on 2 beautiful sandy lakes surrounded by family.  I have 14 beautiful healthy nieces and nephews and 2 amazingly bright children that help me to live life on the silly side.  Children are so pure and free to be.  They inspire me to let loose and live optimistically. Danielle writes the column "Buddha Babies."

It’s amazing how the simple act of sitting with another being, sharing a moment of quiet and calm, can instantaneously shift our mood. Mindfulness is awareness of the present moment without judgment. It involves slowing down to pay attention to what is happening in each moment and opening our hearts to the experiences of our lives with a greater sense of ease, fun, love and friendliness toward our experience. In coming home to our hearts again, we feel a greater sense of connection with ourselves and all beings, and we become capable of cultivating loving-kindness and compassion toward ourselves and all beings. We create a deepening sense of freedom, peace, ease, well-being and love.

Over the past 8 years or so, I have been the loving Momma to three beautiful boys. They can be a handful at times but their kisses and unconditional love is far greater than any trouble they may wish to bestow. If you have not figured out yet, my boys are Dogs. They are all 8 and have taught me so much this year about being a mindful doggie parent. I have two black labs (each over 92 pounds) and they are real brothers. Their names are Webster and Wendell. My other boy (94 pounds) who is so connected to me that he has to know where I am at all times is a redbone coonhound named Hank, that I rescued from a hunter who did not want him because he was gun shy.

This year I have used watching, sitting and playing mindfully with my dogs as part of my daily meditative experiences. An example of this would be, when I am sitting gently with my dogs that means I am simply sitting gently with my dogs. Nothing else. Giving them my full attention, even for a couple of minutes when I come home from running errands, or before I go to bed. Whether they are awake or sleeping isn’t so important. What matters is the sense of being fully present with them. A being I care for. A being I love. Deliberately paying attention, even if “nothing” is happening.

Make no mistake, when Hank decides the time everyone should be in bed in the evening and in the morning what time we should all be up, being mindful and non-reactive isn’t easy. But, that’s why it’s called mindful practice! The more you practice with your pet, the easier it is to apply mindful attention and awareness in other situations. The miracle of just being with my three boys has shown me how mindful they are to the present moment. Being Mindful is part of how we are created too, we are given all we need to be present. But as humans, the busyness of daily life does not allow for mindfulness breaks and slowing down and savoring each moment we can.

Isn't is funny I am learning this mindfulness, life lesson from my dogs?  As I watch them, they see a rabbit...they run for it, they hear a noise, they bark, they follow each other's lead. If one dog starts rolling on his back, they all start rolling on their backs. They are not thinking about what to eat for dinner at 2:00, they are not worried over the latest news, they are present to "what is" every second of the day. Our pets teach us so much about life. We need to un-busy our self to see it. There are also scientific health reasons to enjoy and have pets. I asked my husband for a llama and he said no, but I am going to keep working on it!

Scientific research has found that owning and holding a pet are both associated with lower blood pressure and other physiological indicators of stress. This is possible because being with our pets influences our brain, and therefore our mood, and our physiology.

OBJECTIVE: The purpose of this study was to examine the effects of the presence of friends, spouses, and pets on cardiovascular reactivity to psychological and physical stress.

METHODS: Cardiovascular reactivity was examined among 240 married couples, half of whom owned a pet. Mental arithmetic and cold pressor were performed in one of four randomly assigned social support conditions: alone, with pet or friend (friend present for non-pet owners), with spouse, with spouse and pet/friend.

RESULTS: Relative to people without pets, people with pets had significantly lower heart rate and blood pressure levels during a resting baseline, significantly smaller increases (ie, reactivity) from baseline levels during the mental arithmetic and cold pressor, and faster recovery. Among pet owners, the lowest reactivity and quickest recovery was observed in the pet-present conditions.

CONCLUSIONS: People perceive pets as important, supportive parts of their lives, and significant cardiovascular and behavioral benefits are associated with those perceptions. Go get a pet!

This study was conducted by: Karen Allen, PhD, Jim Blascovich, PhD and Jim Blascovich, Ph.D.

Exercise:

This week, if you have a pet (borrow one from a friend or family member if you need to!), try the mindfulness practice of sitting with your pet to reduce stress, let go of any anger or frustration, let go of worries for a little while, and just relax, connect and optimize your mood through being present with your pet.

First, if you can hold a pet in your lap, hold it mindfully, with full awareness. Really feel the softness or coarseness of its fur or hair. Can you feel a sensation of warmth, or perhaps coolness? What about any sense of vibration, or movement within the body? Notice your pet’s coloring, as if seeing this color for the first time. Is the coloring even? Does it change slightly, or dramatically as you look?

Next, become aware of the weight of your pet. Is it light? Perhaps barely noticeable? Or maybe somewhat heavy, or very heavy? Just noticing whatever weight is present, particularly the points of contact with you.

Then, see if you can observe your pet’s breathing. The in-breath filling the body. The out-breath releasing. In, and out. In, and out. Observing the rhythm of the breath for a few cycles.

 Finally, noticing the sense of your own body. For a moment, can you embody the qualities of mindful attention, awareness & receptivity? Just sitting. Pet sitting. Being present together in this moment, now. Can you feel a sense of connection, happiness and contentment?

Please copy and paste the link below in your browser. It is Pet Games and so filled with pet/human mindfulness together. You will enjoy the game and observing the fun will so show you too that you can be a Pet Parent who is mindful.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ir5aTeCHYk&list=PLB54B4FA970D888B7&index=32&feature=plpp_video


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Cindy calls the Roanoke Valley in Virginia her home. She is surrounded by beautiful mountains that inspire and heal her everyday. Having worked twenty five years in the retail industry, she moved up quickly and loved her career, but had to quit work due to chronic illness. She is on a healing journey through Metta meditation, mindfulness practices and self compassion. Cindy's heads up the "Mindful Living" department here. She also writes here:
www.Goffstowntoday.com 
Simple Steps Real Change, FB page   http://www.simplestepsrealchange.com
Psychological Health of Roanoke, VA,   www.PsychHealthRoanoke.blogspot.com
Cindy (Harpe) Hively FB page,   http://facebook.com/cindyhivelybc  

How to Holistically Connect With Children 
through Mind, Body, and Spirit

            




Children are fascinating – while they sometimes seem like miniature adults, their personality and mind are still developing. The exhibit an innocence and joy about the world that is deeply refreshing, while at the same time making mistakes and decisions that can be nerve-wracking.

As we raise our children and help them develop the habits that will assist them as adults, we can’t forget that a child is a totally unique human being. Connecting with a child isn’t just about teaching them – it’s a holistic effort that involves mind, body, and spirit. 


A Child’s Mind

I love watching my children think and discover new things. They are endlessly creative and never stop thinking of new ways to express ideas. Here are some ways you can connect with your child’s mind and help them grow and express themselves.

·      Play. Unfortunately playing with a son or daughter has become something parents feel they don’t have time for. While it is true that we adults have many pressures and expectations, it’s also true that play helps us as much as our children. When you join with them in their games, you connect with their creativity and also stimulate your own. Play builds deep bonds in a family.

·      Learning. Many times children both can and want to learn more than their schooling provides. Fun science books, seek-and-find games, or additional teaching about geography or math can all fit the bill. Understand your child’s interests and join them in learning more.

·      Decisions. Children can have a difficult time making big decisions. One important way to connect with their mind is to help them through these times – encouraging them to think of the positives and negatives of each choice, and then to move through to making and implementing the actual decision. 


A Child’s Body

Physically, our children are quickly changing. Not only do they grow taller, their muscles develop and bones are being strengthened. In addition, the body has a deep connection to the rest of our being – hugs and other positive touch can be a huge connecting factor.

·      Sports. Parents will often put a child in sports and drop them off at practice without really participating. However, helping a child with sports or spending time playing catch in the yard or basketball in the driveway can not only help them excel, it builds strong bonds between you and your child. When we share physical activity, we also share love, memories, and encouragement.

·      Hugs. As mentioned above, positive touch is a huge factor in connecting with our children. With hugs and cuddling we are sending a message not just to the mind but straight through to the heart that we love our child and that he or she is safe with us. This builds confidence and also forges a strong connection between you and your child.


A Child’s Spirit

Spiritually, children seem to have a connection that adults have often lost. They easily believe in the magical, the mystical, and the more-than-now. Connecting with a child’s spirit is often a time of deeper understanding in our own souls, also.

·      Share Your Spiritual Practices. As you introduce your child to your own faith, share spiritual practices together. This could mean prayer, meditation, attending worship services, or reading faith texts. As you build this common bond, you will find your child will strengthen your own faith as they grow in theirs.

·      Learn About Their Imaginings. Many times children will have entire imaginary worlds that they play in, full of magic, fun, and heroism. These worlds can tell us a lot about where our children are in their spirits, as well as help us connect with their feelings about the world and spiritual life. Understanding these play worlds is a key way to a deeper connection with your child’s true being.

·      Talk About Spiritual Reality. Some of my favorite times with my own children are the times they ask questions about our faith and I am able to share my own experiences with them. In these talks, encourage your children to share their own experiences. As we share about our common faith, our spirits are brought closer and we become more bonded as a family.

Having kids is a challenging, frustrating, exciting, rewarding, and awesome adventure. By taking the time to connect with our children through their mind, body, and spirit, we will forge a holistic connection that will last a lifetime. Our children are only young once – the time to invest in them is now. Have fun, and don’t be surprised if you learn even more than they do! 

This post was written for BuddhaChickLife.com on behalf of Psychic Source. 


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