At times she is wrathful, red scalding lava spewing from her mouth as she splits the ground with rage. Sometimes she is joyful, her immense green lap holding the smiles of lovers, children, and daisies. At other times she is silent, dressed in white robes of contemplation, or sensual and seductive with pink blossoms strung into her wild, leafy hair.
Why then do we as women apologize for our feelings? We allow male partners, even other women to place invisible signs in front of our homes and work places that read Beware of Woman when we are PMSing, pregnant, undergoing menopause, or in one of our many ‘moods’. One of our greatest gifts is our ability to embody the wide spectrum of human emotions and wear the colors with flair.
Perhaps this is only possible when we allow the emotions to be present with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, and without shame or judgment. It took me six years to greet the messy feelings born with my daughter as angels instead of demons. With anger, fear, sadness, and shame as my constant companions during the postpartum period, I felt like an ugly caterpillar begging for the chrysalis stage so I could quickly transform into a beautiful butterfly. I couldn’t see that the road to heaven is sometimes paved with perceived pebble stones from hell.
Today, I still feel anger, fear, sadness, and shame. Sometimes the flashbacks from the postpartum period and my childhood are so strong, that I believe I am the ugly caterpillar destined to always be abandoned.
fear
wraps itself around me
in layers of warm escape
no room to move, to respond
to the wind's howling anger
or the earth's dampened spirit
under the weight of cloudy skies
and colorless rain
this coat constricts breathing
separates me
from all other beings
frozen in their own thoughts
encased by their own egos
the same wind asks,
"why wait till spring
to become a butterfly?"
Then I remember Mother Nature never apologizes for her feelings. Why then, should I?
Kaveri has been on a quest to find answers, not through religious texts, any particular person or popular dogma,but through her own experiences. She lives with her wonderful family in northern California where she practices medicine, meditation, parenting, yoga, writing, and patience. Kaveri's column here focuses on "Living Poetry." Her first book of poetry, An Invitation, is available on Amazon. She can be reached at: aninvitationpoetry@gmail.com
with family it's complicated guarded hearts miles of barbed wire
defenses down open to hurt holding myself to hold you
If you’ve been raised by a family or currently have a family of your own, you certainly know what it’s like to have a disagreement. Feelings of anger can manifest as intense body heat and a tightly clenched jaw. Your shoulders may slump from disappointment in feeling unheard, unseen. Your beautiful beating heart that once held so much love and gratitude for this family member is now encased in a barbed wire fence as you find yourself disconnected, isolated, and alone.
Biologically, we are wired to respond in one of three ways - fighting, fleeing, or freezing. After an argument with my husband, mother, or daughter, it’s so easy to regress to a primordial state. I feel justified in yelling and trying to get in the last word, doing my best to blame them and point out all the obvious reasons why it’s their fault. Sometimes I walk away with a sad look on my face hoping they will be overwhelmed by guilt and come looking for me to apologize.
I’d like to introduce a fourth option, the adult time out. Sometimes I will retreat to my meditation cushion and sit for a few minutes, allowing my breath to gently tame the turbulent emotions with kind and compassionate attention. At other times I might take some slow deep breaths and feel my feet on the ground or my contact with the chair as I look outside and remember Mother Earth supporting me in countless, mysterious ways.
I hold my hurt feelings tenderly until I no longer wish to erect a barbed wire fence around my heart cutting those who get too close. My heart becomes an open field inviting others to share their feelings freely. Weeds of ignorance transform into wildflowers of understanding and forgiveness as I remember that my family just wants to feel happy, safe, and loved as I do.
If we could all pause in such difficult moments with family, friends, colleagues, coworkers, and maybe even our enemies, imagine the possibilities.
Kaveri has been on a quest to find answers, not through religious texts, any particular person or popular dogma,but through her own experiences. She lives with her wonderful family in northern California where she practices medicine, meditation, parenting, yoga, writing, and patience. Kaveri's column here focuses on "Living Poetry." Her first book of poetry, An Invitation, has just been released. She can be reached at: aninvitationpoetry@gmail.com
Femininity & Mothering There are moments in life when I feel complete and at peace…like I am doing exactly what I was meant to do at that very moment in time. I had one of these moments yesterday. It occurred while I was rocking my sick daughter to sleep. Cradling her in my arms, softly stroking her curly brown hair, feeling the heat of the fever emanating from her forehead, I just breathed. I kissed her head. I held her tight. I hummed her favorite lullaby. At this moment in time, I was the very best version of my sacred self. I was love. I was kindness. I was gentleness. I was tenderness. I was embracing and emanating my femininity through motherhood.
I believe femininity and mothering go hand in hand. Intuition, gentleness, compassion, love, tenderness, generosity, and wisdom-- words I use to define femininity, I also use to define mothering.
As I rocked my 4 year old daughter, I wasn’t saying a word-- but I was saying so much. Through the silence, I knew she heard:
~I love you beyond words.
~I’ll always protect and take care of you.
~You can trust me.
~You’re my greatest miracle.
~You deserve love.
~You’re safe. Everything will be okay.
In this moment, I was a center of love and kindness. My natural essence as a woman and a mother was being honored as I radiated love directly to my child.
Because We are Women, We Are Mothers I don’t believe that you have to birth a biological child be a “mother.” As I mentioned before, all the characteristics that define femininity, define mothering. Because we are women who are divinely feminine, we instinctively mother our friends, our parents, our pets, our partners, our biological children, our adopted or step children, our natural world, and most importantly-- ourselves.When you embody feminine characteristics that are your birthright like gentleness, compassion, love, tenderness, generosity, and wisdom towards the ones you love, you silently whisper to them: “I love you beyond words. I’ll always protect and take care of you. You can trust me. I believe you are nature’s greatest miracle. You deserve love. You’re safe. Everything will be okay.”
However, as women, we tend to project loving kindness to those we love while forgetting how important (ahem-- critical) it is for us to “allow [ourselves] to bathe in the warmth and acceptance of loving kindness as if [we] were a child held in a loving mother’s or father’s arms.”(Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go There You Are). We forget how important it is to mother ourselves so that we can better mother those in our lives that we love the most.
Mothering {Yourself} As a mother and a woman, it is imperative that I practice loving kindness toward myself. “When I can love myself, with all of my imperfections, I can love my child, friends, acquaintance, and all beings” (Jacqueline Kramer, Buddha Mom). Understanding this basic truth, I hold tremendous power. See, I am a mother of three impressionable young girls who are watching my every move. They are learning how to treat themselves as women by witnessing how I treat myself. Even more importantly, having felt the power of extending this loving kindness to myself, I am acutely aware that if I don’t do this for myself, I’d be less able to sit quietly, without my mind racing, to comfort my sick daughter. I am certain that the amount of love she felt radiate to her in that moment was in direct proportion to the amount of love I continually radiate to myself.
I know--easier said than done. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t attempt to try and make this type of meditation part of our daily habits. For it first to become a habit, we have to feel its power. We have to experience how it feels to say to ourselves and truly believe: “I love you beyond words. I’ll always protect and take care of you. You can trust me. I believe you are nature’s greatest miracle. You deserve love. You’re safe. Everything will be okay.” As women, one of the best ways to embrace our divine femininity is to continually direct kindness, love, compassion, gentleness, and generosity towards ourselves while we “mother” those we love.
Jennifer Niedzielski is a teacher, writer, mother of three young daughters, and the co-founder of Mindful Moms Network™. After teaching in the traditional classroom setting for over 12 years, she is transcending classroom walls to inspire and teach women how to reclaim their calm and take exquisite care of their mind, body, and inner-selves amidst the chaos of mothering. Through Mindful Moms, it is her intention to create a nurturing and supportive community for moms that encourages Inward Development through the Art of Mothering.
This painting and poem were both created by Mary MacGowan for her blog about women and life and being happy.
Mary says, "The woman in this painting embodies the feminine. She sings, she gives herself flowers, she writes about love and poetry, and in that way she opens up to ever-increasing feminine Love."
Mary MacGowan was born in Michigan, moved out east where she raised three children, now she's back in Michigan, singing and painting about love and lakes. She studied music and composition at Interlochen Arts Academy and NYU. She’s a widely published poet, with poems in over forty literary journals. She has a master's degree in Art Therapy and Creativity Development and sits by a lake every summer day to watch the ducks swim by. Her blog is: http://57andthensome.wordpress.com
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Are you a woman feeling like there is no you? You feel as if you are losing yourself or that you are an empty vessel just serving the needs of others? You feel like the world would suddenly cease to exist if you were not there to fix things and set them right? You feel if you didn't do these things for others nobody would love you, recognize you, or respect you? You feel like nobody really cares about your needs, they only care about their own?
These are telltale signs that you are burning out and you need to cut back on your activities. If no one else will consider your needs, you need to consider them yourself. You need to take charge of your life and do the things you want to do and not what others demand of you. This is what "self compassion" is all about. The practice of saying "yes" to yourself and at times saying "no" to others will actually enhance your essence of being the woman you are meant to be for yourself and others.
It does not mean you have to stop everything ... as helping others is a very important part of who you are as a woman. However, balance is a very important part of being healthy. In order to help others you have to first help yourself.
Many of us, from childhood on, are taught by our mothers that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice, love, joy and contentment.
When others, even friends and family, ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are saying yes out of a desire for approval or to ward off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate "your personal power" by saying no, you may feel compelled in the beginning to explore what you may feel the consequences are of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.
There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes to others under the circumstances where you embrace the opportunity, you can feel good about offering yourself when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values, self compassion and your appreciation for the joy that is before you.
A Definition of Self-Compassion
By Kristin Neff, Ph.D., author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind
Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Think about what the experience of compassion feels like. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that they are suffering. If you ignore that homeless person on the street, you can’t feel compassion for how difficult his or her experience is. Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others' suffering so that your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means to “suffer with”). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.”
Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.
Learn more about Dr. Neff's book, Self Compassion, at her website: self-compassion.org
"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction..."
~Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)
The first time I read this, words penned by the infamous English writer, Virginia Woolf, a chord of recognition struck in me. I knew that what she said was true, at least from my experience. As a writer, I did need a room of my own—physical space—so I could create without interruption. (She also advised having a lock on the door!) It seemed equally true that a woman writer might need to have a source of additional income, for, as you may know, most writers can’t live on what they earn from the craft. Ms. Woolf apparently lived off a stipend, an inheritance from her aunt. True for me, too, as I seem to earn the bulk of my living from teaching rather than writing.
And though Ms. Woolf offered this sage advice to women writers specifically— women in her day were not admitted to universities or libraries, much less accepted as writers—she speaks to all women everywhere about the importance of self-worth, self-reliance, and freedom.
A Room of Our Own
To me, the metaphor of having a room of one’s own means having space to create what our soul wishes to express. As busy women today, playing multiple roles in the home, workplace, and community, we don’t often get time and opportunity to be by ourselves. Never free, it seems, from the tugs and pull of families or office, we are tied to the needs and demands of others. We are “on call” all the time. Solitude eludes us.
Thinking back on this now (as I have the luxury of solitude, mid-life years, children gone from the nest), I recall times when the only room of my own was the bathroom. The “necessary room,” as my grandmother called it, was absolutely necessary to me. It provided sanity, a getaway space, as well as inner space to be me. The bathtub served as my privacy zone where I could think without interruption; a watery sanctuary to create and dream, even write in a drip-marked journal. The bathroom was my inspiration—and my salvation as a woman and as a writer.
Creating Space
I believe it is vital for women to have “room” in this way. We can physically create this space for ourselves, beginning with even a section of a room and making it our own: a cozy corner or a creative cupboard we can visit to access the deeper parts of ourselves. Or, if we are fortunate, an entire room (spare bedroom, office) to indulge our need for quiet or study or artistic expression. We women need a sense of place with our own things— mementos, pictures, and books, that which comforts and inspires us.
Equally important is emotional space. We may have to carve this out as well. We begin by being open with our loved ones about our growing need for privacy or alone time. We may have to learn to say no to the requests of others. We will need to establish the importance of our own values and expect others to respect them. When my children were young, and I was often escaping to the “necessary room,” one of them would inevitably knock on the door claiming urgency. I remember saying to him or her, “I am not to be bothered unless there is blood or fire.” The point was well taken, but it took resolve on my part.
The questions beg to be asked. Do you have a physical space where you can retire to be you? A place where you feel safe? Where you can rest when exhausted from the busyness of life? A place where you can listen to and express your inner voice?
And how are you doing with claiming your inner freedom, your independence from the demands of others? Are you able to speak what you need aloud and expect others to acknowledge it? Are you passionate, determined, to stay the course of your own blooming so you can become all that you are meant to be—especially if it means saying, “Not right now” to others and “Yes!” to yourself?
My hope is that if you are not yet completely able to affirm your need for “room,” for breathing and be-ing space for yourself, that you will begin today. Take a baby step in that direction. Make a tiny change; do one new thing for yourself.
And may you do so knowing that you are worth the time and energy it takes to be free, truly free; to be the unique expression of you that the world needs right now—now more than ever. May you always find room to grow …
It our pleasure to announce that one of our gifted columnists, Kaveri Patel, has just released her first book of poetry: An Invitation. And what an invitation it is, one that I'm certain each us hopes we can accept with as much passion and determination as Kaveri has.
This soulful work contains 51 poems that take us on a remarkable journey " in" as we reconnect with our True Nature. Kaveri shows us the way—with courage and grace—how we too can passionately plunge into our own vasts depths to re-discover who we really are, as well as who we are meant to be.
Affectionately dubbed "Mermaid" by some of her friends (and suitably so), Kaveri leads by example, sharing her journey of diving and resurfacing; healing old wounds, cultivating loving-kindness and self-compassion and, ultimately, embracing the Sacred Feminine, a healing, unifying force like no other.
We hope you enjoy this interview with Kaveri. May it inspire you to embrace your own wisdom found in the waves of life ...
An Interview with Kaveri Patel
First of all Jan, thank you so much for the invitation to share my book on Buddha Chick Life. I respect the writing and music of so many BCL contributors and feel honored to share this sacred space with you all.
1. What led you to the writing of your book, An Invitation? I attended a women's writing retreat where I came across a book of poems by Mary Oliver. Something about the book called to me so I bought it. A few weeks later, I watched a movie called "Listen to Your Heart" and realized life is too short to wait for the 'right' time to publish a book. I began to visualize the cover art work and layout and intuitively knew I needed to give birth to my own book of poems.
2. How long have you been writing poetry? I wrote my first poem about apartheid in the eighth grade in response to Alan Paton's Cry, The Beloved Country. I've been writing off and on ever since. My first poems were mostly romantic in nature, seeking that so-called other half of my missing soul that would complete me. Through postpartum depression, suffering, and a series of awakenings, I began to realize that my house of trust had to be built on a foundation fashioned from my own faith.
3. How has writing in this way impacted/changed your life? Through mindfulness and compassion practice, I've learned to connect with a loving presence who has been there all my life. She's been the spiritual shaman retrieving all unwanted parts of my fractured soul that I banished from consciousness. Writing helps me to pause and remember her. I can stay present with the mud of messy thoughts and emotions without getting stuck in them. Releasing them into the wide open space of a kind and caring heart, I identify with something larger than my small self. I become her, Infinite Love.
4. What do you perceive is the relationship between writing and spiritual growth? And healing? As women, we often look to the external world, our partners, our children, our family, friends, and coworkers for validation and acceptance. After reading Peggy Tabor Millin's book Women, Writing and Soul-Making: Creativity and the Sacred Feminine, I began to trust my own body and intuition to write and discover my own truths with Mother Nature as divine witness. When we pause to listen deeply with kindness and curiosity, our Sacred Feminine intuition will always guide us to true healing- a place we can safely call home.
5. What do you hope the reader will gain from reading your book? My sincere wish is for all women, all beings who read these poems to catch a glimpse of their True Nature and savor the sweetness of their own being. I know that's a tall order. I ask readers to look beyond the waves, all the stories of small self, beyond the labels given to us by parents, teachers, spiritual teachers, and others to the ocean's bottom for the pearl of wisdom they seek. Only by diving into the depths of our own being with patience, courage, and faith as our guides can we find the love we always sought elsewhere.
6. Do you have a favorite poem in the book?
Wow, that's a tough question! I'm not sure I have a favorite poem, but some of my favorites include: "Mornings", "Planting a Poem", "Leap of Faith", "Boddhisattvina", "I'm in Love" and "Thank You."
An Invitation can be purchased by contacting Kaveri directly:
All suffering is soul suffering- believing you are less or more than you truly are,
denying your blemishes promoting your glamour forgetting the sky above
you, perpetual witness to all your selves and never turning away.
What does it mean to love yourself? You may read articles or books that offer many avenues to self-care – a massage, exercise, time outdoors, a makeover, a new hairstyle or wardrobe, prayer, meditation, engaging in a creative endeavor, etc.
Now let me phrase the question a bit differently. What does it mean to love yourself COMPLETELY?
For me, this question has taken center stage on the altar of my spiritual practice. Completely oblivious to the realization that I was using Buddhism as another self improvement project, I spent the first years of meditation practice turning my Inner Critic into a Buddhist Critic. I’d feel good when others praised me and dejected when criticized.
In Jungian psychology, we tend to suppress our unacceptable, unlovable parts. Submerging them deep into the sea of our subconscious minds, we wonder why we are plagued by the same themes in dreams and hear the same uninvited guests knocking on our door day after day.
I spent years forsaking fear and aversion, abandoning them like disgraceful children who could never measure up to my expectations. Instead I would promote my more respectable qualities as an empathetic physician, talented writer, and mindful parent. A full-fledged Boddhisattvina, I was sure to be safe, loved, and secure forever.
But fear and aversion kept knocking on my door. I was tired of suffering, and realized I would have to invite them in for tea sooner or later. Through compassion practice I took a vow to stay, to try and make meaningful conversation, and recited the following phrases:
I care about this suffering.
May I be free of suffering.
I understand this suffering.
May I be kind and gentle.
It’s not my fault.
Over time I took refuge in the compassionate presence of the vast sky above me, perpetual witness to all my perceived identities. No matter how angry, scared, lost, or blemished I felt, the sky never turned away, never stopped shining with joy or raining tears of heartfelt understanding.
I’ve read in the soul retrieval process that a shaman brings back all parts of one’s soul that are missing. In this case, the shaman is the sky goddess Karuna (compassion) urging me to make space for all parts of my soul, both pleasant and unpleasant.
Maybe fear and aversion are dusty gems just waiting to be polished with presence. In the light of a vast love that embraces all things, they are no longer my fear and aversion or your fear and aversion, but part of our shared and vulnerable humanity.
Kaveri Patel has been on a quest to find answers, not through religious texts, any particular person or popular dogma,but through her own experiences. She lives with her wonderful family in northern California where she practices medicine, meditation, parenting, yoga, writing, and patience. Kaveri's column here focuses on "Living Poetry." Her first book of poetry, An Invitation, has just been released. To purchase a copy, contact her at: aninvitationpoetry@gmail.com
I’ve banned the “S” word from my vocabulary. I hope after reading this column you will too.
“Selfish” … it’s what women are often called when they take time for themselves. And it’s the primary reason, I believe, why so many women do not take good care of themselves—or give themselves what they need to feel healthy and whole. We’re afraid of being perceived as selfish.
And why is it that when we manage to get beyond the “S” word and do beneficial things for ourselves, we automatically assume that someone else will be deprived or neglected. Women have been tremendously dis-served by this perspective—that we can take time, spend money, or indulge in self-care only if:
• we have done all our other work
• no one else needs us at the moment
• we have extra money to spend
Beneath the surface of each of these faulty notions is the belief that we, and our personal time, are not as valuable as others’. We seem to need to convince ourselves that we are worth it; that we are worth our time, money, and personal attention. This February, the month of Love, I’d like to invite you to change your thinking about this and to explore and cultivate self-love in a bold new way.
Our journey takes off when can begin to say “Yes!” to ourselves more often; give ourselves permission to receive the same loving regard we give to others. Without the “S” word cropping up. Or its evil twin, “Guilt,” paying a visit. Would you like to try? I hope so because you are worth it, and you—just as much as anyone else—deserve your own loving-kindness.
For the next 21 days, practice showing more love to yourself in these simple, yet powerful ways. It takes 3 full weeks to create any new habit and self-love is no exception. Make consistent time for yourself and you’ll be well on your way to creating a more loving relationship with YOU!
1. Say no to taking on more responsibility.
2. Take one-half day a week to do exactly what you want to do.
3. Spend at least 30 minutes each day by yourself, with no one tugging at you.
4. Be a little girl again and play!
5. Take up the hobby you’ve always wanted to or revive an old one you’ve let go.
6. Stop rushing. Do things like walking, bathing, shopping more leisurely.
7. Allow other people to clean up after themselves and make their own decisions.
8. Turn off the TV, cell phone, computer; spend time in the quiet and enjoy your own company.
9. Do something to cultivate female friendship.
10. Eat at least one outrageously healthy meal each day.
11. Get outside and let Nature nurture your spirit.
12. Sleep when you’re tired.
13. Stay away from people who demean or demoralize you.
14. Buy yourself flowers.
15. Trust your own choices.
16. Talk lovingly to yourself.
17. Quit one bad habit.
18. Give yourself permission to feel all of your feelings.
19. Take yourself on a date and go somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
20. Eat something truly decadent without guilt.
21. Become passionately self-aware of what you need in any given moment to be relaxed, happy, and healthy and give yourself that!
“Self-aware”—now that’s an “S” word I’m more than happy to embrace! And it’s a very good way to reframe any thoughts or feelings that might arise to sabotage our emerging self-love.
After 21 days, because you will have created many self-loving habits, I can just hear you giving voice to self-love whenever a well meaning other questions what you’re doing—or tries to sabotage your self-care efforts:
“Yes, I am being quite self-aware, thank you, and it feels really good.” Stay strong, persevere, be passionate about your journey into love, and, in time, others will appreciate you more. Why? Because people who love themselves more, become more loving and magnanimous toward others. And who doesn’t want to be more loved by you?
Funny, how life works. We give our true self what it needs and everybody benefits.
Cultivating the Seed Within by Cultivating Love and Peace
by Cindy (Harpe) Hively
We can learn to locate the seed of Love and peace inside ourselves in order to have a Reliable Source of Serenity.
In our noisy world, we often find ourselves longing for love and peace and searching to find it somewhere else. While it’s true that there are places we can visit where we can experience peace, such as sacred sites or buildings, even places in our home or in nature, we do not need to wait until we get to one of these places to feel at peace. Instead, we can learn to locate the seeds of love and peace inside ourselves and cultivate them so they grow into a reliable source of serenity that we can always access, no matter where we are. What gratitude I feel when I know I can go deep within to find serenity, calmness and peace. I have found myself cultivating this seed within and the change in my life has been pure, self-compassionate, and overflowing with more love than I could ever thought possible for myself.
You see, we are not taught to love ourselves but to love others. I know this is society's way to encourage us to be all that you can be. It really means you are usually living in such a fast pace you don't even want to get up in the morning, and you definitely don't take the time to love anything or anyone. Doesn't that strike you as sad? It does me. As I have learned to love myself without judgment, but with pure authenticity, my entire outlook on life is completely different. I do feel deep compassion for myself—and love. I give unto others more of myself because I am able to be compassionate and have love for all beings just as I do for myself.
We experience love and peace when we are in a state of mental calm, clarity and serenity. It might surprise you to notice how infrequently you allow yourself to be free from all the chaos in your life and in the world. Realizing this is the first step to inner peace. If you wait until all the details of your life are taken care of to allow yourself to experience peace, you will never feel peaceful because there is always something that your mind can grab onto to create emotions that can make us feel paralyzed. It is important to consciously set aside your worries and make time to cultivate inner peace. You have to believe the time is right now.
Ideally, you could schedule time each day to meditate on love, peace, and gratitude and experience what it feels like to be calm and serene. It takes practice to learn how to let go of your worries, so give yourself some time. Inhale deeply, and feel your worries dissolve with every exhale. Remind yourself that soon enough you will be able to take care of everything you need to, but right now you are taking a break, you are taking a time out. As the clutter of your thoughts and concerns clear away, you will start to feel more serene. Allow yourself to move deeper into this state with each inhale. Realize that you have the power to free yourself from this never ending cycle, simply by deciding to do so. The more you practice feeling peaceful, the easier it will be for you to feel at peace.
Jan Lundy of AwakenedLiving.com, teaches a "90-Second Rule" to clear away our negative emotions. I learned this process in one of her online courses and it has been a saving grace many times when my emotions were taking over. You can listen to this process and practice by going to this link. Knowing and practicing this 90-Second Rule can change your life.
One area of emotional healing that is frequently overlooked is the idea of focusing on what you want in life to promote healing. When you focus on what you want, and not on what you just think you want, there is an energy that will awaken within you that will drive you forward and heal you from the inside out. Take a moment and decide what is important to you in life in this new year and what you want to go after. Pursuing that which matters most to you will lead you on to greater love and more peace and joy from within. What could be more healing than that?
Did you know that love, peace, happiness, compassion and joy are always there in your life? They are our true essence—the women that we are meant to be. But if you can’t feel this at the moment, chances are there are painful emotions that are obscuring them. Healing the emotions that obscure your center will improve your life beyond measure. Whether you’re healing anxiety, depression or whatever, check out some of the ideas on emotional healing below and see if you can learn to apply them in your life to make it better.
1) Emotional healing is in the moment Although going to see a counselor so you can get in touch with what you are really feeling can be beneficial, the best time to clear away emotions that are bothering you is in the moment, in the the moment that they occur. You will probably find that certain things trigger negative emotions in the body and make you feel uncomfortable. The best way to deal with this is to accept the emotional energy rush in the moment and ride it out as best you can. This will dissipate some of its energy and make it easier to handle.
2) Knowing where it all began When it comes to healing emotions, it can really help to know the origin of where the emotion began. The reason being is that it is a lot easier for the conscious mind to accept painful emotional experiences when it knows that they are coming from the past and are not related to the present moment as much. To this end it's worth asking yourself, where did all this emotional pain begin? Where did it start? You might find that a thought or image pops into your head as a response. These repressed emotions and memories will make themselves known to us when we are ready, so be patient and take your time.
3) Using alternative therapies If you are healing emotions at the moment there are a variety of alternative remedies that you can use to help yourself in this regard. I personally have used homeopathy, meditation, yoga, the 90-Second Rule, aromatherapy and self-compassion as remedies to help myself with painful emotional experiences that I had and am having. At the center of these therapies is the idea that you have to get to the core of what is causing the imbalance and clear it. These can be surprisingly effective when it comes to treating emotional pain.
It is a new year, a new beginning, a time to reflect over last year and make a few decisions that are just for you to heal or grow in 2012. Don't hesitate or wait any longer; awaken to your essence of Love, Joy and Peace. This is your year. This is your time. This is your life. Embrace it!
We are women who light up the world ...
with our beauty, our creativity, our intelligence and charm.
Our eyes sparkle as we talk and laugh among ourselves. Our smiles radiate warmth and comfort to those who love us. Our faces beam happily when we're engaged in fulfilling work.
We shine, we illuminate, we enlighten, we dazzle.
We glow softly when contented and burn brightly when passionate. We are always lighting up the world, one way or another.
But who's the keeper of the flame? Who will fill our lamps in order for us to light up the world?
We must do it for ourselves, dear sisters, and for each other. We must fill our own lamps first -- not last.
We must commit to our own well-being and self-care, lest our oil run low and our flames flicker out. For a woman whose flame has extinguished can no longer fulfill her mission in life.
So take some time, sweet sisters, to rest, recoup, relax, and regroup. Take time to fill your lamp.
The world needs your flame -- but first, you need your oil.
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