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We Can Write New Stories
by Cheryl Wright
 
 





Our past manifests itself in the stories we live. They are woven with a combination of values, beliefs, and survival techniques we learn from our families, our friends, our life experiences and our culture. Many of us have good stories. We live them with enthusiasm, proud of the experiences and people who shaped our lives positively.

On the scale of life though, bad stories balance and sometimes outweigh the good ones. Bad stories, sad stories, they abound and can be limiting in their scope—keeping us stuck.

Sometimes we’re not aware of the stories we’ve adopted as our own. We grew up hearing other people tell us who we are, what we like, what abilities we have or don’t have. As adults, we overlay those stories in our lives as our truth. 

At some point though, we get a niggling feeling that we are holding onto stories that restrict our personal, professional, emotional and spiritual growth. We may despair as the feeling grows more intense. If our stories leave us standing on the sidewalk watching life parade by, there is hope. Each of us can write a new story. 

Examining Our Stories

We began crafting our stories when we were very young and did not have the knowledge, skills, mental capacities or resources to make sense of the world in any other way. Over the years, our stories were integrated into our perceptions of ourselves and our views of the world and for the most part, they kept us in a comfortable place. However, as we matured, we may have realized that we are stuck in the limitations of our stories.
 
Our stories influence how people perceive us and they react to us accordingly. Our stories help create a culture that engenders trust or suspicion, friendliness or antagonism. They set the stage for nurturing or toxic relationships and soul-enhancing or soul-depleting situations. Our stories increase or decrease our potential to live meaningful and fulfilling lives.

Writing A New Story

Each of us must craft a peculiar story for ourselves. To develop a good life story, we should include elements that -

1.     Nurture a positive image of ourselves

2.     Build confidence to be our authentic selves

3.     Free us from the victim mentality

4.     Encourage us to face obstacles, deal with them, and move forward

5.     Motivate us to set and pursue goals that enhance and utilize our strengths and challenge our weaknesses

6.     Inspire our creativity and fuels our a passion for life and our life purpose

7.     Empower us to resist toxic people and situations

8.     Enable us to attract and nurture wholesome and loving relationships.

My Story

For a long time, I believed and lived this story:

My thoughts, words and feelings were either wrong or silly. I rarely spoke and hid under a guise of being shy, fearing ridicule. I clung to that story, even as it relegated me to the sidelines, as a spectator in my life.

The niggling feeling began in my mid-thirties. Eventually, through prayer, reading and journaling, I learned that my story was limiting and detrimental to the person I was discovering on the inside, the person I wanted to be and the work I wanted to do. Slowly, I began writing a new story for myself. In past, it says that I have a voice and it speaks through my writing.

What’s your story? If it is a sad, limiting and weighing you down, then it is time to write a new one. What will it say?


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Cheryl is a freelance writer, whose essays, feature articles and columns have been published online and in print since 1998. Cheryl's weekly column, Wright Words of Wisdom, debuted in September 2006 in the WomanWise magazine - a Sunday pullout in the Trinidad Guardian Newspaper.
You can catch up on the column here:


  http://www.guardian.co.tt/category/byline-authors/cheryl-wright

 


Comments

Kaveri
08/15/2011 12:56pm

Cheryl, I too felt a niggling in my thirties. I am SO GLAD I finally listened to that inner voice daring me to defy external stories and preconceived notions of who I really was/am.

Keep inspiring and writing new stories of yourself. My sense is the words will be read by many women, as they shed their first tears of unhappiness until we can all fill an ocean with our sorrows.

One day we will all join hands and look into relatively calm waters to see who we truly are and rejoice!

Reply
Cheryl Wright link
08/15/2011 2:07pm

Well, hi there Kaveri,
You were sitting there waiting for this issue of BCL to show up, weren't you?

I appreciate your positive and encouraging comment.

Ah yes, we do cry oceans of tears, hopefully more happy tears than sad. People, especially men (some men) view crying as a sign of weakness but we women know it comes with realization that we need to make changes, acknowledgment of truths that force or inspire us to take action and achievement of small and big goals, small and big successful, small and big life changes.

I'm happy to hear of your experience with your own inner niggling and your decision to listen to it, defy your old stories and write a new version for yourself.

Yes, on to the rejoicing.

Cheryl

Reply
Cheryl Wright link
08/15/2011 6:19pm



Oops! Sorry Kaveri. I meant to write "small and big successes" and not what appears in my reply to your comment.

Reply
Linda Lyzenga
08/17/2011 10:22am

Well said, Cheryl! Thank you for reinforcing latent discoveries.
I am joyfully rewriting my story.

Reply
Cheryl Wright link
08/17/2011 8:31pm

Hello Lina,

Love your term, "latent discoveries".

Happy rewriting.

Reply
kario link
08/20/2011 7:51pm

I love this notion and have recently discovered it myself. One of the biggest realizations I had when I asked about my "story" was that it was allowing me to hide and excuse fearful behaviors. One of the biggest hurdles was to not judge myself for telling that story for so long and simply find a way to move beyond it.

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Cheryl Wright link
08/21/2011 4:00pm

Hi Kario,

Kudos to you for arriving at the realization that moved you to begin writing a new story for yourself. It's liberating isn't it?

Enjoy where your new story leads you.

Cheryl


Reply
Jan link
08/26/2011 9:05pm

Cheryl, I just love this article. One of the things we teach in Buddha Chick Training is to notice the story and how it may keep you small, then how to release it. I like the idea of creating new stories too, those that are empowering. And I very much appreciate you sharing your story too and your transparency around how it was holding you back from being all that you could be. It takes courage to be transparent! xo

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