FREE TO BE ME
by Uncovered Buddha Chick
(Photo credit Evgeni Dinev)
Oh, what a difference a year makes!
2011 was a transformative year, as my inner Good Church Lady and inner Buddha Chick were invited to integration – to an invigorated inner life of wholeness and healing. A year ago I was conflicted and torn – embarking on a peculiar journey that was foreign and alien. Yet, in some respects it was as though I had come home to a larger family where I was free to be myself.
Free to be ourselves
When we discover that we are all part of a larger family,
United in a common humanity,
and that over and above us and within us
there is a universal truth and justice,
where the God of Compassion and Goodness is present,
then we find ourselves on the journey to freedom.
When we have an experience of the love of God
And the God of Love,
We begin to discover how precious each person
is in God’s plan for humanity.
With all our beauty and brokenness, each one of us is important.
We can be ourselves and let the beauty in us grow.
We are not the centre of the world-and we do not have to be!
We are part of a broken humanity, and in the company of others,
We can stand up and continue the quest for freedom, truth and peace.
~Jean Vanier
While I still don't have the freedom to verbally share my ideas with too many people in my circle, that's OK most days - for I am free to simply live into and out of these new aware nesses and realities.
St. Francis of Assisi has said, Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
In my living out what I’ll term the gospel (good news) of Buddha Chick, I’ve let go of the compulsion to speak of my new found passions and ideas. I’ve come to see that that need to voice all the wonders of these new learnings stems from deep wounds of not having been heard as a child. Having found freedom and an expansive pattern for living allows for the proverbial ripple affect. This has played out big time over the past few weeks.
Allow me to share a back story:
About half way through last year’s stunning transformative process, I had a spectacular breakthrough. On the heels of that exhilarating experience, I was placed in a situation where all my new learnings were put to a severe test.
In the back of my mind, the old eight track tape of my life started its continuous looping. Taking keen notice of what was being played on that vintage recording device, I compared those old tunes to the newer harmonies in my heart and met those old tapes head on as my truest self. My inner child, who had been cowering in a corner at times, was most grateful! As the challenging episode reached its conclusion, she and I had a really good talk and took a long drive. I took that eight track out of the play deck and threw that thing out the window – magnetic tape streaming – now laid waste along the highway medium.
That experience got me thinking that it was time to figuratively get my hands on an MP3 player and compile a new play list.
Recently, another crisis arose and my feet were put to the fire. All my BCL learnings, along with this quote from Pema Chödrön, gave me the courage to respond in a whole new way:
The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.
My new play list includes self-soothing practices and allows for calm, clear and wise thinking. Even in the turmoil of this crisis, peace descends like refreshing dew over my troubled heart. As equanimity and compassion spring up I feel as though I have in some way passed an important test of what I have been learning (and unlearning.)
A week of breath, metta, and silence on my part apparently allowed the one who had taken offense to let go of her habitual reactions and over the course of the next week, we were able to have a cautious, compassionate email exchange. You talk about climate change! Here, I am more than grateful that the “polar cap” of this particular relationship is thawing.
In our conversation, my responses surprise even me. By looking clearly and compassionately at myself, my confidence and courage grew until I was able to look into this dear one’s eyes. What was the most challenging confrontation of our lives has been diffused – in great part because I’m learning how to be free to be me. That’s quite a change.
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Previously know as Undercover Buddha Chick, Uncovered Buddha Chick is learning to live more and more out of her true self - to live authentically. To live simply. To live without fear – or, at least, to be courageous in the face of fear. To live with an open heart. Through mindfulness, metta and loving-kindness and self compassion practices self awareness is being cultivated. With eyes wide open to see and ears to hear what’s really going on within herself, she is learning transparency. In the process, pre-conceived notions, prejudices and judgments are being released.
Her longings for authentic community are being met, in part, on the pages of Buddha Chick Life. Having come out of the shadows to live clear, calm and wise, she wants to be a better human being. She is me. Is she you?
Her longings for authentic community are being met, in part, on the pages of Buddha Chick Life. Having come out of the shadows to live clear, calm and wise, she wants to be a better human being. She is me. Is she you?
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